oh, i’ve got stories

June 12, 2008

Frequent commenter Mark recently, er, commented after I told a story about an embarrassing moment that:

Dug, you know how some people, well some of the people that keep a journal or diary at least, will rip the pages out of the journal so nobody will ever read them? Well it’s sort of like you ripped those pages out, but instead of throwing them away or shredding them or burning them, published them on the Internet. I’m really not sure what this says about you. But keep it coming.

I’m not sure what it says about me either Mark. But about 18 years ago, Kim and I lived in the apartment in Provo directly above Brad. One day, I was hanging in my apartment, making cookies or studying or something, and I somehow mistook a bit of gas for something else, and ended up with a tiny present in my underwear.

I was totally surprised and tweaked, kind of like when you see something just outrageous, say, at the grocery store, like a woman walks by you in the aisle and farts like a horse, or a large (that is, morbidly obese) man bends over and shows you about 9 inches of crack, and you turn to tell the person you’re with “Dude! Check that out!” but unfortunately, you’re alone. You know? Like that.

So I ran downstairs to tell Brad, but Brad wasn’t there, just Tasha was.

So I told her. “Hey, I just crapped my pants upstairs.” I mean, even if it’s just a nugget, it’s still technically crapping your pants, right?

Anyway. Some people have stories inside them they just have to tell. Dickens needed to tell us about Pip, Twain needed to tell us about Huck. I need to tell you about poop.

Did I mention the time I was living in Chile . . .

10 Responses to “oh, i’ve got stories”

  1. brkeyes7 Says:

    I was going to bring that story up but wanted to spare you. I sometimes forget you are incapable of sparing yourself. Thanks for being that guy. Oh, I know its been a while but my wifes name is Tasha.

  2. dug Says:

    what are you gonna do when you’re your own best punchline?

    and thanks for the reminder, fixed. it HAS been a while.

  3. KanyonKris Says:

    The punchline to this story gave me a good laugh – thanks, man!

  4. Grizzly Adam Says:

    Dug we need to get your stories on film. I am serious.

  5. Jonnie Says:

    Dug – We need to hang out more.

  6. mark Says:

    For the record, I don’t know any norteamericano who’s lived in S. America for any period of time who didn’t poop his pants while he was there.

  7. bikemike Says:

    holy crap

  8. Jot Says:

    I have a thought exercise for you. Consider for a moment, that in order to blackmail someone, it has to be something they don’t want made public.

    Is it even theoretically possible to blackmail Dug?

  9. MoCougFan Says:

    Did you eat corn the night before?

  10. Bikemike Says:

    also, your wife must be proud/lucky/honored/disgusted to be married to you.

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