sweet mother that’s hot!

June 14, 2008

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not exactly the macho super manly type. I’ve talked about how I’m even likely to shed a tear or two now and again.

But this week I managed to combine my pussiness with my proclivity for crying.

A while back, my friend, Tyler, showed me a great Mexican restaurant, El Pais Grill, out in West Valley. It is awesome. I’ve only had one thing there, and I never plan to get anything else—the Molcajete. Essentially, it’s fajitas, but fajitas like actual, real life Mexicans might eat them. Not with the chicken and steak and onions and peppers and such all neatly chopped in strips, but everything dumped in the, er, Molcajete, with a sauce that’s just to die for, and placed on your table with some corn tortillas, beans, and rice.

Seriously, I don’t want real Mexican food if this isn’t real Mexican food. It is YUM.

Anyway, this week, my brother calls, he’s free for lunch, so I have him meet me at the El Pais Grill for some Molcajete. We’re just sitting, chatting, and stuffing our corn tortillas with whatever is in the big stone pot. I casually take out a big onion and slice it in strips, casually take out some cactus, and placedthem on my tortilla. I take out a big green pepper, and cut it up, and put a few small pieces in my little tortilla full of heaven along with some shrimp.

And take a big ole bite.

And start to cry. I mean CRY.

Dave is sitting across from me talking about whatever, and suddenly he says “Are you okay? You look like you might be dying.”

And flames are coming out of my ears, and my eyes are pouring water. I somehow choke out an answer: “You don’t mind if I cry for a minute, do you?”

He just starts laughing. My coke is gone, but I have ice, and I put an ice pack on my tongue. The burning gets worse. I grab a tortilla thinking starch might help, and put a big mouthful in. It feels like I have just put my tongue on a hot stove and left it there for an hour, and then tried to eat some hot sawdust.

I run for the bathroom to douse my suddenly sweat soaked head. My eyes are puffy and swollen and totally bloodshot.

I guess I’ve never sampled the dreaded habanera before. Sweet mother of Zeus.

When I get back to the table, Dave says “All better now?”

“Yeah, that was just a really emotional story you were telling about how your garbage collector dropped the container and spilled trash all over your yard—and OH MY HELL is my mouth STILL on fire? I’ll be right back.”


6 Responses to “sweet mother that’s hot!”

  1. bikemike Says:

    we have a wing place here in Vero Beach, Fla. called Hurricanes. well, their hottest wing is so hot, that if you dropped just one on the North Pole, it would melt the entire Polar Cap. i think these would be good to take on rides and throw them at dogs, bears,bigfoots and what not. can you imagine Bigfoot running through the woods screaming for his mommy?

  2. mark Says:

    Bikemike, I can actually imagine Bigfoot doing just that. A friend of mine was up climbing in the Sawtooth mountains a while back. They had noticed a bear rummaging around near their camp, so the decided to make him a treat to eat while they were on the rock. They took a piece of bread, put it on a rock, covered it with honey, then covered it with cayenne pepper. Then they took another piece of bread, put it on top, and covered it with still more honey.

    Bears are like dogs, swine, and the fat cyclist in that once they start eating, they don’t slow down to taste their food. From their safe vantage point high up on the rock, these guys watched as the bear ran around the forest for the next few minutes taking mouthfulls of leaves and dirt to try and quench the flame.

  3. bikemike Says:

    by the by dug, it’s sugar (not bread or milk) that stops the heat in your mouth. so, the diet coke was pretty much fuel for the fire.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Mark, that’s classic.

  5. Don Says:

    Habenera, pineapple cut tiny-like, simple syrup, bring to a boil, boil for a bit, dump over vanilla (only GOOD vanilla!) ice cream… mmmmm.
    OH! and Bike Mike is right. any cold water-based liquid will just wash it down the gullet. Milk is usually OK if its because there some sugars to tame it, and a fat base not water.

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