recoil, relent, release

July 29, 2008

I spent this last weekend at Flaming Gorge, in northeast Utah. We pretty much lived on the boat, which obviously, makes me think of peeing.

That is, all weekend long, if I had to pee, I would just jump out of the boat. How handy is that? It’s like peeing in heaven.

But it also reminds me of NOT peeing in heaven. I drove Maddy down to Cedar City yesterday to drop her off for some weeklong camp, and after about two and a half hours she and I needed to return our Diet Coke rental. We were only a few miles from a town, but whether your head is under one foot or one hundred feet of water, you’re still drowning, right? We were saved by a serendipitous rest stop that involved some comical sprinting.

Which reminds me of a Las Vegas trip about 15 years ago. I used to keep a 64 oz refillable jug in the car, and I’m pretty sure I had knocked back two full ones on this 6 hour drive. We came into Las Vegas from the North, and decided to drive down the Strip to our hotel, which was at the south end. You know, see the sights and all that.

Just as we left the freeway, I realized I was in an urgent way. 128 ounces will do that to you. But once you’re on the strip, there is no escape. It took us at least an hour to get from one end to the other, 60 minutes of pure agony, stop and go, bump and jostle, squeeze and release.

Finally I could take no more. Stopped at a red light, I jumped out of the car, yelled back for someone else to take the wheel, trusted that they would, and I sprinted through traffic, out of the bright sunlight and into a dark casino, where my blinded eyes promptly ran right into a scantily clad waitress.

No time for that. I kept running. Do you know that in casinos they keep the bathrooms at the very back? Probably so you get distracted by the gambling, I guess. But I was being distracted by nothing and no one. I was knocking old ladies spending their social security checks out of the way, jumping slot machine stools, and dodging security.

When I finally found the blessed porcelain god, well, do you remember seeing video of when they do that experiment on the Grand Canyon, where they open all the pipes from Glen Canyon dam to flood the Colorado river and try to wash away all the silt and sandbars and stuff, and restore it to its “natural” state?

It was like that.

6 Responses to “recoil, relent, release”

  1. KanyonKris Says:

    Your blog post titles always make me wonder what I’m in for. This pee discussion is a refreshing change from the ongoing poop talk.

    Speaking of pee:

    Skip to 1:10 if you want to get right to the subject.

  2. Bikemike Says:

    Frank Zappa wrote a whole song about peeing and pain. I’m fairly certain it didn’t involve Diet Coke.

  3. Rob Says:

    Evan Dando of the Lemonheads sang a song (written by Mike Watt of fIREHOSE) called – Pissbottle Man.

    Itune it, listen and learn.

  4. Rick S. Says:

    The best time to land a kidney punch. I wish I had been with you.

  5. Flahute Says:

    I would have stayned in the car and used one of the 64oz reusable jug/mugs. And then not ever ever ever reuse it again.

  6. Mathias Says:

    This is where I stopped reading

    “Which reminds me of a Las Vegas trip about 15 years ago. I used to keep a 64 oz refillable jug in the car”

    I have an idea where that was going.


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