as i lay dying
August 27, 2008
I have been loving riding the motorcycle to work every day, and I’m saving buckets of cash on gas, but I think I may have contracted leprosy. It’s possible I’m mistaken, I’m not a leprosy expert. Truth is, I’ve never even looked leprosy up, not even in Wikipedia.
But I’m still concerned.
Lemme esplain. No, there is too much, lemme sum up. In the heat of the summer, I tend to wear shorts, flip flops, and t-shirts to work. Which means that’s what I wear on the motorcycle. Whatever, don’t you judge me.
Well, on a crowded freeway, in between big concrete barriers, a bit of a wind tunnel effect can form and whip up debris on the road. Or, sometimes you get behind a big dump truck, and they may be driving without the load properly tied down, like Daphne Zuniga in The Sure Thing.
Anyway, stuff on the road is moving, some of it hits you. Like, in the toes and stuff. At 80mph, stuff hurts. But, and here’s the kicker, NOT RIGHT AWAY.
That is, I FEEL the impact on my toe from, say, a small freeway UFO, but it doesn’t hurt, it just FEELS. As if you nudged me on my shoe, and my toe knows because my whole foot got nudged. Am I babbling here? I’m babbling aren’t I?
But when I FEEL that impact on my bare toe, I can tell from the magnitude of the impact what’s gonna happen next. If the impact was mild, I know I’ll feel a bit of a tingle in a second or two.
If the impact was significant, I have to brace myself, because in a second or two, I’m gonna feel like my toe was just attacked by piranhas.
Here’s the thing: I don’t care that it HURTS–I’ve chosen to ride my motorcycle on the freeway in shorts and flip flops. My bad. It’s the DELAY between impact and pain that worries me. WHY the delay? Are my nerves slowing down? Are they protecting me, worried that I won’t be able to handle the pain? Am I just old (and is this part of Manopause)? Does everybody have this delay between impact and pain?
OR. OR. Or do I have leprosy?
I think I have a fever too.