it’s everywhere

September 5, 2008

The inability, or lack of will, of the  management at my office to keep the bathrooms in normal operating order reminds me of another time, another place, in a galaxy far far away.

Okay, it was American Fork, Utah.

When the kids were wee, we used to take them, at their behest, to local fast food restaurants that featured play places. Carl’s Junior, Arctic Circle, McDonalds, that sort of thing. We certainly didn’t go for the food. Well, the kids did, but Kim and I would get OUR food at Gandalfos or someplace like that, and carry it in.

Once, at the McDonalds in American Fork, Kim and I were enjoying our good food, watching over the bad food the kids left at the table while they disappeared into the gerbil hutch that is a McDonalds play place. These places are Kim’s worst nightmare, enclosed tubes covered in germs and little kids, and musty air.

Little did she know.

Maddy appeared first, closely followed by Ian (I don’t think we even had a Holden at the time), both in a panic.

“POOOOO! There is POOOOO!” They pointed to the highest tube. “Poo.”

Apparently some enterprising kid, not wanting to interrupt his (or her, I ‘spose) playtime for a bathroom break, had simply dropped his (or her) pants and, um, his LOAD in the top tube. And then just kept on playing.

More than a little alarmed and disgusted, Kim found the manager–a pimply girl of about 20.

“Hi. There’s a big pile of poo, up there, in the tube. Human poo.”

“Again? [?!] Okay, thanks.”

“Wait, what? You have to get the kids out. You have to bring in the Hazmat team. You have to DO something. Like, NOW!”

“Yeah, I’ll have one of my guys go get it in a minute.”

And she sauntered off, probably to ignore a deadly spider infestation in the meat locker.

We packed up our kids as fast as we could (have you ever tried to find your kids’ shoes in one of those places? Talk about a needle in a haystack.), and by the time we were leaving the building, maybe 5 or 10 minutes later, NOBODY HAD CLOSED THE PLAYPLACE, AND NOBODY HAD GONE IN TO CLEAN IT UP. The poo remained, festering.

I still wake up screaming sometimes. We all do.


13 Responses to “it’s everywhere”

  1. Rick S. Says:

    I don’t have the words….

  2. Jay Says:

    Stop the insanity!

  3. christa89 Says:

    On the other hand, I guess you could call it raising their immune system 😛

  4. bikemike Says:

    i love this blog. poop!

  5. Rob Says:

    Hey – if dropping one in the McDonalds play structure is a crime then lock me up…

  6. Uphill Battle Says:

    I am speechless…

  7. Rob (Dug's brother) Says:

    I’m feeling the need to clarify that the previous “Rob” is not Dug’s brother Rob. While I commend him for his strong sense of self-confidence as exhibited by his comment, sadly, I find myself needing to “take one step back.”

  8. Jodi Says:

    I feel the need to confess that the one (and only) time we visited Chuck E. Cheese here in Bklyn, my son went in dry, and came out wet. It was his fault. I told the manager and her response was a raise of only one eyebrow, and a “please”. But not like, I’m asking politely “please” but more of a “bitch, puh-leeeze”.

    I don’t know what it meant, but I’m kind of sure that I am part of the problem, not the solution.

  9. Kathy Says:

    Poop here. Pee at Fatcyclist. I’m a little bit afraid to see the next topic of conversation.

  10. ty Says:

    Feeling far away, I thought your blog would remedy a little home sickness. It helped a little until recalling a dark moment in my family’s past. When we were back in MN I took the boys to the local video store directly from swimming the lake. The youngest had his swim diaper stripped and for no good reason, nothing in it’s place. All three boys were wandering the store when out of nowhere chaos erupted. I could see several employees running in and out of the back room, some in shock, others with definite fear in their eyes (obviously they understood the gravity of the situation a little better than your McD manager). I decided to round up the kids when I realized what had happened. My youngest laid down an entire aisle with turd and at least one unsuspecting patron walked through it. The young poor store manager was damn near in tears, I vividly remember her yelling out, “what do we do, what do we do.” Being mortified myself, I was at a loss for any reasonable action, including sympathy. I grabbed my kid and we disappeared out the door. Then we joined netflix.

  11. KanyonKris Says:

    ty – that’s crazy funny.

  12. Other, Other Rob Says:

    Had a similar experience with poop on the floor. Immediately left and NEVER returned….to ANY indoor playground. Glad I’m not the only one who wakes up screaming…..

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