it’s everywhere

The inability, or lack of will, of the  management at my office to keep the bathrooms in normal operating order reminds me of another time, another place, in a galaxy far far away.

Okay, it was American Fork, Utah.

When the kids were wee, we used to take them, at their behest, to local fast food restaurants that featured play places. Carl’s Junior, Arctic Circle, McDonalds, that sort of thing. We certainly didn’t go for the food. Well, the kids did, but Kim and I would get OUR food at Gandalfos or someplace like that, and carry it in.

Once, at the McDonalds in American Fork, Kim and I were enjoying our good food, watching over the bad food the kids left at the table while they disappeared into the gerbil hutch that is a McDonalds play place. These places are Kim’s worst nightmare, enclosed tubes covered in germs and little kids, and musty air.

Little did she know.

Maddy appeared first, closely followed by Ian (I don’t think we even had a Holden at the time), both in a panic.

“POOOOO! There is POOOOO!” They pointed to the highest tube. “Poo.”

Apparently some enterprising kid, not wanting to interrupt his (or her, I ‘spose) playtime for a bathroom break, had simply dropped his (or her) pants and, um, his LOAD in the top tube. And then just kept on playing.

More than a little alarmed and disgusted, Kim found the manager–a pimply girl of about 20.

“Hi. There’s a big pile of poo, up there, in the tube. Human poo.”

“Again? [?!] Okay, thanks.”

“Wait, what? You have to get the kids out. You have to bring in the Hazmat team. You have to DO something. Like, NOW!”

“Yeah, I’ll have one of my guys go get it in a minute.”

And she sauntered off, probably to ignore a deadly spider infestation in the meat locker.

We packed up our kids as fast as we could (have you ever tried to find your kids’ shoes in one of those places? Talk about a needle in a haystack.), and by the time we were leaving the building, maybe 5 or 10 minutes later, NOBODY HAD CLOSED THE PLAYPLACE, AND NOBODY HAD GONE IN TO CLEAN IT UP. The poo remained, festering.

I still wake up screaming sometimes. We all do.