September 9, 2008
Sleepy got me thinking about the disaster the Internet would have been for my Dad, had he lived this long.
My dad was a sucker for late night infomercial crap. I must have picked up a bit of that, since I bought some orthopedic pillows off the TV, and when I called I said “and it’s within 30 minutes, so I get the FREE pillow case!” I’m pretty sure the operator on the other end of the line wanted to reach through the telephone and slap me across the face. “EVERYBODY gets a pillowcase you @#$%&$# TOOL! Now give me your credit card number before I hang up on you!”
But my dad bought stuff that never even saw daylight outside the packing boxes. We had pocket knives, sheath knives, huge collections of classical, jazz, and easy listening cds (really, hundreds), funky pen sets, car dashboard gadgets, even fishing poles. The only time I’ve ever used a knife is at scout camp, whittling a stick into a smaller stick. I’ve been fishing exactly twice in my life, neither time past the age of ten.
I think the best thing he ever bought was accordion tupperware. Because then you wouldn’t have to move your leftovers from the BIG tupperware into the SMALLER tupperware as you eat it. Get it? The tupperware SHRINKS. Isn’t that GENIUS?
We used it once. Seriously, how do you CLEAN that stuff?