you say potato

September 15, 2008

I have been known to act without regard to consequences.

Actually, I guess I was mostly known for that after the fact.

Two examples:

First, at the farm. My parents were born and raised in southern Alberta, Canada, my dad on a farm, my mom in “town.” Well, that farm is still there, and when I was growing up in Minneapolis, we would make a trek every Summer to the farm. 8 kids in a station wagon, two days of driving across Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, and Alberta, to Magrath, to see relatives and hang out on the farm, driving tractors, riding horses, branding cows, castrating calves (really), and shooting guns. At gophers. With hollow point shells. I know, barbaric. I’m so sorry.

Well, one afternoon, everyone had gone off on the horses, and I was left alone at the barn, not sure why. I was maybe 8 years old. All the sack lunches were in the truck, and I got bored and started rummaging. Each sack lunch had maybe five cookies, not oreos, but some other kind of Canadian sandwich cookie, creamy inside, crunchy outside. I took every cookie, ate the cream out of them, and discarded the cookie portion. Who would ever know, since I was EATING the evidence?

Of course, as the rest of the family approached on the horses, I realized with horror that I had discarded the cookie portion of the cookies, ALL OVER THE GROUND AROUND ME.

Later I had a paper route, which I hated. HATED. And at some point, the paper company started adding supplements to the paper, but those supplements had to be added one at a time to each paper, by the paper boy. ME, who already hated my paper route.

Well, it was Minnesota, in Winter. Lots of snow drifts.

We all picked up our papers daily from the same house, the house of one of the paperboys, who had signed up to be the distributor, or MASTER paperboy. When I arrived to pick up my papers, I sometimes refused to take the supplements, and he always threatened to call the supervisor and get me fired. I’m not sure why I didn’t take him up on his offer. I hated him almost as much as I hated my paper route.

But instead, I would sometimes take my pile of supplements, and when everybody was busy, I would bury them in the huge Minnesota snow drifts at the end of the driveway.

Winter doesn’t last forever, even in Minnesota. Come Spring, I lost that paper route after all.

Maybe “without regard to consequences” is just another way of saying “dumb as a post.” Ya think?


9 Responses to “you say potato”

  1. Steve Says:

    Wow! I don’t remember those particular stories. I always wondered why you were known as the “good” son and I still can’t figure it out. Maybe cause you were so cute!

  2. Rob (Dug's brother) Says:

    nope Steve. I was the cute one. Pick something else.

  3. Rick S. Says:

    The cookie story doesn’t surprise me a bit.

  4. bikemike Says:

    i hawked a loogie on my brothers face, one time, so, i’m kinda of the “without regard to consequences” school of thought.

  5. mark Says:

    Canadian, eh?

    When we lived in Michigan, 45 minutes by car from Ontario, we used to make runs across the border to buy ketchup-flavored potato chips, chocolate, and OTC medications. Needless to say, that was before they invented the department of homeland security.

  6. UpNorth Says:

    No kidding, those Ketchup chips should be outlawed everywhere…

    And my dog is from Magrath!!

  7. Grant Says:

    My most memorable “without regard” story was when my brother, sister and I were returning from our grandparents. They lived just down the street and my brother rode his bike while my sister and I walked. I watched his front wheel go round and round. And then stuck a stick in his fork. It knocked out his front tooth and I ran home crying (I was about 4).

  8. Fish Says:

    In college I briefly dated a girl from Magrath. I also grew up working with cattle and shooting ground squirrels (prairie dogs) with .22’s.

  9. Steve Says:

    I thought the papers would end up all over town in random former showdrift locations. All at the end of the Master paperboy’s driveway makes for a much cleaner scenario…. and he knew who to fire immediately, huh?

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