try to remain calm

September 17, 2008

I know, I know, you’ve been through the killer bee scare, and you’re not impressed. We’ve all seen the tv movie of the week, and we’ve been hearing about the “Africanized Bees” for a generation now. Plus, I’m the guy who’s afraid of hummingbirds, so what do I know? I get it.

But I’ve been permanently scarred now. I won’t ever be able to wear the Speedo again. My career as an upper leg model is OVER.

The genetically altered battle bees are living in Big Cottonwood Canyon. The good news is, they are easy to kill while riding a motorcycle. I may still have some debris stuck in my shorts.

The bad news is, they leave a mark that will last FOREVER.

Or at least a few weeks.

Here we are, three and a half weeks after the queen mother of all flying insects attacked me. Three and a half weeks later, I still have a scar, redness, and itchy skin. Maybe I shouldn’t mention the itchy skin. Yeah, it’s best you don’t know that the skin is itchy.

I’m going to make an appointment, I’m beginning to think something was implanted below that red mark. And not a good thing.

my permanent bee scar


10 Responses to “try to remain calm”

  1. bikemike Says:

    can you say “Matrix”?

  2. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    bikemike. You’re worried about “matrix” when he said the “speedo” word. Honestly? The idea of dug in a speedo in the past is almost (but not quite) as visually scarring as the idea of him in one anytime in the future. I do hereby declare Madam Killer Battle Bee to be the new hero of the hour.

    In addition, wasn’t the “battle wound” supposed to have been on the inner thigh? Hmmmm…

  3. bikemike Says:

    blocking the speedo thing completely out.

  4. Steve Says:

    You say easy to kill yet here you are 3 weeks later still crying about it. Obviously the battle bees have had a much deeper effect on you than you realize. I think that appt. should be with a psychiatrist. Maybe you can talk about that swimming thing while you are at it, if he/she can get a word in edge-wise while you cry about the bees.

  5. dug Says:

    steve? sarge? wow, i haven’t had that kind of tongue lashing since boot camp. i’m going to take back feeling sorry for the itching powder incident when we were kids.

    but you bring up a good point–i need to talk about water.

  6. Steve Says:

    It’s just because I love you man!!! And I am still getting therapy for the above said incident. I still can’t name the infernal product. Damn, now it itches again!

  7. BotchedExperiment Says:

    I got stung my something in Snowshoe West Virginia that made a necrotic ulcer in my thigh.

    It hurt and itched for a couple weeks and then a huge chunk of tissue just fell out.

    If I were you, I’d go to the ER.

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    I got stung on the thigh on the 6th and it was red like that for at least a week. Then last week I picked the scab and a hard chunk came out – I think part of the stinger was in there. It’s healed now with just a tiny red dot. FWIW.

  9. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    I understand that those hard chunks are actually larvae. Some are lucky enough to get it out before the hatching.

  10. KanyonKris Says:

    Rob – thanks, that gave me the creeps.

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