i’m not crazy, part III

September 22, 2008

I went with the family down to Moab this last weekend for some riding, hiking and goofing. In all, we had a great weekend, rode Slickrock with the guys, rode Amasa Back with Kim, rode an old BMX track with Holden, and hiked to Delicate Arch with the whole gang. Awesome.

And yet.

Remember when I mentioned what Kim calls my “food prep“? How my friends will do their impressions of me eating? Well how bout this–I’M the normal one. ME. All I do is eat. Food.

Check it out.

We’re at the Moab Brewery, after a long day of riding, like 5 hours in the saddle. Of course, we’re very hungry. I order a big Jack Daniels burger (how normal is that?), Brandon orders a burrito that turns out to be as big as my leg, Sam gets the Carne Asada, Jason gets a big plate of pasta. Very normal foods (mine especially).

Eric, who in most other ways is a wonderful person, a great guy, a terrific bike rider, orders soup and a salad. Okay, sometimes I just want soup and a salad (although not after 5 hours in the saddle). Nothing wrong with soup and a salad. But when the server asks “what dressing on that?” Eric says “none thanks.” “Not even on the side?” “No thanks.”

Is that where, if this were a TV show, the editors would do a double take, and make one of those scratchy record sounds? Or chirping crickets?

Hi, I’m super hungry, just rode my bike for 5 hours, I’d like a head of lettuce please. And some soup. Can I have my soup with nothing but water?

(Okay, he ordered normal soup. But still. NO DRESSING ON HIS SALAD. JUST LETTUCE.)

The next day, Karee got a salad with no dressing. Little Sam ate all the meat out of his sandwich, THEN ate the bun. Kembree had a side of turkey, no bread. Brayden had a sandwich with nothing but turkey and black olives.

These people are a fine cross section of American life, as normal as normal can be. I will no longer brook people talking about MY food prep. I am NOT AN ANIMAL.

I just like it how I like it.

Here’s the rub (yeah, we haven’t gotten to the rub yet).

At dinner, we also ordered a huge plate of nachos with chicken. When our waitress brought that out, she also brought out a big bowl of salsa. And a big bowl of queso dip. Which Eric mistook for his soup.

As in, “is this my soup?” “I don’t think so, I think it’s the dip.” “I think it’s my soup.” The “soup” was soon just a few spots of queso dip on Eric’s spoon. Which was about when Eric’s actual soup arrived. Which means he effectively ate a big block of Velveeta cheese. I guess I would be going without dressing too.

9 Responses to “i’m not crazy, part III”

  1. VH1 Says:

    Great story and a great time, but you left out one very important detail. Please tell about what his face looked like after he realized he ate the cheese dip, and that it really wasn’t his soup. Truly a moment I will NEVER forget.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    So were these folks just showing off or do they really eat “healthy” like this all the time? Even when they’re easting alone?

    (Note: I began the first paragraph with “so” for you, dug.)

  3. Steve Says:

    I’m with VHt, what did the face look like and what did he say or do? With a guy who can’t eat a salad with dressing he must have ridden all night to get the velveeta out of his system! I do not eat healthy but I think I could have tasted the difference in my soup and cheese dip. But, that being said, yes dug, you are crazy anyway.

  4. b_banks Says:

    Great write up! The look on Eric’s face was priceless!

  5. bikemike Says:

    how about the episode of “Ed” where he takes the bet from Mike and has to ask the produce manager for lettuce but he has to pronounce it “let-tuce”…classic.

    no dressing, i mean, that’s like making mudpies without water.

  6. Rick S. Says:

    Did you guys use his soup as the dip? Seems only fair.

  7. Grizzly Adam Says:

    I am turning this back on you dug. You were the one taking note of all this weirdness. And then you wrote it down.

    But still.

  8. Eber Says:

    Did anyone ask Erik how the 4 hour ride home battling Velveeta gurgle and spurt went?

  9. BotchedExperiment Says:

    Erik as in Sleepy?

    Salad-Pffft. That’s what they make vitamins for.

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