bad boo

November 3, 2008

I live in Utah, which can be a pretty weird place, we have some strange traditions. And I’m not even talking about religion.

For example, at Christmas, neighborhoods often get caught up in a super consumerist, can-you-top-this “neighbor gift” contest. The idea is, you pick the people you like, or feel obligated to, or those who have already “neighbor-gifted” YOU, and you spend an entire day baking your BEST treats, put them on cute plates, wrap them up, and drive the neighborhood dropping them on people’s doorsteps. Both awesome and terrible at the same time.

For example, about maybe 12 years ago some good friends of ours dropped a plate on our step, and I brought it inside to set it on the table next to the rest of the loot. But these good friends had put FOUR cookies on the plate. FOUR! There are FIVE of us, what, one of us has to do without? If the cookies were lame, no big deal, but these were delicious. They forced a Sophie’s Choice on us.

Give me a minute here.

Okay, I’m breathing normally again.

But. BUT. Here’s another goofy Utah tradition–for Halloween, you get “Boo’d.”

That is, someone gives you some yummy Halloween treats, a photocopy of a picture of a ghost, with a goofy poem that gives you instructions, which can vary, but the gist is this: Make two copies of this picture, put the original in your window (so you don’t get “boo’d” twice), make some Halloween treats, and go “boo” two of your neighbors.

How festive!

Well, this year we got “boo’d” on Friday afternoon. That is, we got “boo’d” on Halloween afternoon, when it was waaaay too late to turn around and “boo” someone else.

Well that’s not the worst part. Remember the neighbor “gift” plate of FOUR cookies? When we got “boo’d” last Friday, they left us a box of Sugar Babies and a little box of Peeps.

Seriously. Also, I AM AWARE that one of you readers may be (probably is) the perpetrator of the WORST BOO’ING EVER. I don’t care, you need to be called out. Naked Lame Boo’ing Cannot Stand.

Sugar Babies? These are the bird shit of candy, little deer droppings in a box. In the history of Halloween, have you ever gotten Sugar Babies and thought “Sweet, Sugar Babies, I’ll stop trick 0r treating and eat them NOW”?

Of course not. Because they suck.

And Peeps? PEEPS? Peeps are a joke candy, a grandma candy, something you give as a white elephant when they’ve sat in your cupboard for over a year.

Freaking Peeps?

Ack, okay, I’m taking my meds.

I can think of four reasons this may have happened.

One–It was a hate crime. Someone really really doesn’t like me, and expressed their disdain through the medium of a last minute boo of Sugar Babies and Peeps. From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee. Also, well played. Nice one.

Two–It was a “Re-Boo.” That is, someone boo’d THEM this poo poo platter, and they just turned around and “re-boo’d” it. In which case, lame, but, well, it sounds like something I would do. Nice one.

Three–You really are this lame. That is, you have no problem both boo’ing at the very last minute AND you actually like Sugar Babies and Peeps, and you thought they would make a nice alternative treat on a night when I was sure to eat my weight in Kit Kats, Butterfingers, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (the golden triumvirate of top tier Halloween treats). In which case, listen up: You Are Lame. STOP IT. Sugar Babies suck ass and Peeps are a Christmas Tree decoration, NOT a yummy treat.

Four–I forget what four was for. Whatever.

Thank you. You’re welcome.

28 Responses to “bad boo”

  1. VH1 Says:

    Just think how pissed you would be if they added circus peanuts to that platter

  2. christa89 Says:

    Any particular reason why you could think of four reasons but only wrote three of them? 😉

    Just wonderin’

  3. Jen Says:

    Um, circus peanuts would have made the ‘boo’ great since Kim loves them! Were you so worked up in your writing that you forgot your fourth reason? Great post!

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Excellent rant, I laughed the whole way.

    Hey, Bob, don’t you want to come back to Utah for all this fun?

    Our house is the black hole of these neighborhood treat pyramid schemes. I proudly take on the roll of chain-reaction preventer. Like the control rods in a nuclear reactor. Maybe that’s why we didn’t get Boo’d this year? Ah, but Christmas is coming, the mother of all run-away treat gifting.

    I admit I kinda like Sugar Babies, but now that you put the deer dropping imagine in me head … nah, I’ll still eat them.

    But Peeps, gaah! I can’t think of anything that tastes more awful and synthetic than Peeps. I envision the factory where drums of low grade crude oil come in and Peeps come out. That vague bird shape, black spots for eyeballs and neon colors aren’t working either. You really want to eat a radioactive bird?

    BTW, from your recent post I was really hoping for something exciting to happen at open mic day, but alas, no. But my wife and I shared a moment of grins as we reminded each other of the dug-coined nickname. Well, maybe next month.

  5. steve Says:

    Ouch, but I do have a daughter who likes peeps and requests them for christmas. We are still trying to decide who put her on our doorstep 16 years ago. Maybe it was Hagrid. And the 4th reason would be…no fair if you combined them in #3. Maybe THEY were boo’d last minute and that’s all the chevron had left for them to give out. Better to not cont. the boo that year. We were boo’d just before the reunion so we didn’t come in under the 24 hour deadline given but did manage to get them out a week ahead. Perhaps you could save those treats to use at christmas time, especially if you figure out the boo’er. Just saying.

  6. steve Says:

    you know, an RSS feed would be good on this page. I have never used one but having read about them a bit it would be great. One of your previous commenters mentioned it once. My random brain just decided to bring it back to recollection.

  7. fish Says:

    KK – I also got a chuckle out of the open-mic designation yesterday as I sat through an hour of old people rambling.

    No boo’ing in my neighborhood – for which I was glad.

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    fish – You live in an old people ward? Ouch, that’s rough on open mic day.

  9. DeShawn Says:

    How dear you disrespect our boo. OK, not really, but since you are in Utah, I am sure you must have a De-some-weirdness named neighbor.

  10. Gary Says:

    THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING “THE BOO”! As a non-native Utahan (native Californian), I was taking my kids around Friday night thinking “..what the hell?” I don’t remember seeing those printouts from either of our previous two Halloweens in Utah. I was guessing that they’d already given candy at the ward “trunk or treat” so don’t be greedy if you’d already hit them up for candy there.

    BTW, what’s up with the “trunk or treat”? Something else I never saw before moving to Utah.

  11. bikemike Says:

    BOO!!!

  12. Rachel Says:

    #4 – They didn’t have time to bake treats, what with it being Halloween already, so they just boo’d you from their giveaway stash.

    We were boo’d on the 30th. We didn’t boo anyone else. Clearly, we’ll have to outdo ourselves on neighborhood Christmas treats this year to make up for it.

  13. KanyonKris Says:

    Gary – I believe the “trunk or treat” thing grew out of concern for children’s safety, primarily kids crossing streets at night might be hit by a car. The idea is it’s safer to do the candy collection in a parking lot off the streets.

  14. dug Says:

    rachel, i think the term you were looking for wasn’t “giveaway STASH”, but rather, “giveaway pile of SHIT.”

  15. Rick S. Says:

    Dug- Can I have my plate back?

  16. dug Says:

    nice try rick, but sugar babies and peeps don’t come on PLATES. (they come in one of those little blue bags dog owners carry on public trails.)

  17. BotchedExperiment Says:

    I’ll see your sugar babies and raise you some candy corn.

  18. steve Says:

    I knew I put that bag of crap someplace, wow, the wife must have put that candy in there to make it smell better.

  19. Eber Says:

    We got boo’d twice this yeas. TWICE. Even with the flyer in the window. When the second plate of “goodies” showed up (dry nasty things I think were cookies) I turned to my wife and said “booing blows”.

    But I am actually one of those who “actually like” Peeps & Sugar Turds. I’ll be home on Saturday…save them for me.

  20. ricky Says:

    hey, they were all i had at the time. looking back, i should have thrown in a few brach’s.

  21. tonks Says:

    We somehow managed to escape the Booing this year, but I have been known in years past to put fake Boo notes in my window to keep from being Booed, except for the year I was pregnant (read: would and did eat anything and everything!) in October and managed to get Booed 4 times b/c I would inhale the cookies/treats and stash the signs.

  22. bike buddy Says:

    i think the original purpose for trunk or treat was to keep the kids off the streets on Halloween night. when we were kids there was a carnival at the elementary school, but nooooo, now they have trunk or treat a few days early so the kids can really overdo the candy.

  23. steve Says:

    I get the impression you don’t like the idea of being neighborly, or is it the feeling of obligation to return the favor? Bring on the treats, I will respond if the original treats are worthy!!!

  24. chtrich Says:

    Dug, the correct lyric is “And 8 8 8 I forget what 8 was for”.

    Excellent post though!!

    And bring back your RSS feed.

  25. Mocougfan Says:

    Hellarious as usual. Love Sugar Babies btw.

    We boo’d someone a few years ago. My little girls love doing it. We put a dozen donuts and some (not)hot chocolate in a halloween looking container. Put it on a doorstep of someone we were trying to be nice to here in MO. She clearly didn’t get it. Came out of the house (while we were watching in hiding) and screamed. Went back in the house and came back with gloves and picked up the package and threw it in the dumpster.

    Waste of good donuts. We didn’t boo her anymore.

  26. dug Says:

    chtrich, yeah, 888, i know. but what, i’m gonna make up FIVE more reasons?

    feed-wise, i didn’t do anything. or at least i didn’t do anything i’m aware of. i didn’t know i HAD a feed, much less that i removed a feed.

    but i know that if you go to suncrestdug.wordpress.com/feed, you can get a feed of my stuff. are you saying i need to put a link to that url on my page?

    i’m not great with computers and such. i just got the internets.

  27. chtrich Says:

    Dug, thanks for the link. That’s the ticket. And yes, put a link to that address back on your main page somewhere so everyone can find it easily.

    A few weeks ago your site started double posting and then my feed got messed up and I couldn’t find the link anymore. Something must’ve happened then.

    Clearly you were not going to make up 5 more reasons. Shame on everyone else for not at least putting it together with the 4th though.

  28. Grizzly Adam Says:

    LoL Dug. One year we had someone doing the 12 Days of Christmas to us, sort of like the boo’ing, except each day of the 12 days you drop off a gift and a variation of the song to go with it–anonymously of course.

    Well we were also doing the 12 days to a nearby family. One night we dropped off a basket with crackers or some such garbage in it. The next night, it shows up at our doorstep as that nights 12 days gift.

    We were 12 dayzing each other.

    And we caught them red handed re-gifting.

    But I agree, sugar babies are disgusting.

    And I am sure on some level, racist.


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