hypothetically speaking

November 6, 2008

Let’s speak in hypotheticals for a second.

Suppose you were the guy at the office who was anything but bashful about his feelings about the grossitudiness of the bathroom and his co-workers’ general lack of proper bathroom etiquette.

Now suppose you’re in the bathroom, the big stall, and you’ve got your nice Charmin roll of toilet paper you brought from home. You set it up on top of the giant cheesewheel super bondo tp dispenser.

Except, as you stand up and turn around, your gigantic clumsy elbow brushes the stashed super roll of Charmin, knocking it into the toilet.


Two options here:

First option, RUN. FAST. Except, you’re the one who rails on the masses for not cleaning up after themselves, for not plunging, for not everything.

Flight is not an option.

Second option, fish the matted, soaking mess out of toilet somehow and get it to the trash can and LEAVE NO TRACE THAT I WAS EVER THERE.

I’m still washing my hands.



10 Responses to “hypothetically speaking”

  1. Rick S. Says:

    don’t forget to get under the fingernails.

  2. Paul Says:

    You might consider carrying a disposable (obviously) rubber glove in their wallet and plastic bag with them next time. You never know when they’ll come in handy. of course, Hypothetically.

    Reminds me of the friend with OCD who’s daughter touched some bird matter at the park. He rushed her into the mens room to wash her hands with soap. The soap wasn’t lathering normally, and at some point it dawned on him that the oh-so-fragrant hand soap was actually a misplaced urinal cake. He freaked and rushed home to decontaminate.

    He’s still washing his hands, and that was a couple of years ago. (Mark should know this story).

  3. dug Says:

    rick, i’ve already removed my fingernails.

  4. mark Says:

    Have you tried the flushable wet wipes? You can do the initial debris removal with the 60 grit stuff provided by the office, but final grooming is accomplished with a moist, soft, and durable (fingers won’t break through it) towlette. I keep a box in my desk drawer. Great for cleaning up after a lunch ride, too, as you can just flush them rather than carrying them out to the garbage can.

  5. andy Says:

    i gotta ask….was it knocked in there post or pre flush?

  6. bikemike Says:

    run, lola, run

  7. steve Says:

    Mark, I gotta ask, just what are you cleaning with the flushable wipes after those lunch rides?!

    I’m with Andy, was it pre or post flush? Not that it makes a lot of difference with your toilet but the run option might make more sense and hope someone else brings their own TP also if it was pre. Just sayin. And, just how is it that a person who is as good an athlete as you can be as clumsy as you are?

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    Ya, how does improbable stuff like this keep happening to you? Have you trampled a native american graveyards recently? Regardless, thanks for the laugh.

  9. BurkeInTheOzarks Says:

    I just hypothetically threw up in my mouth.

  10. Rick S. Says:

    The real question is – What did you have for breakfast?

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