no place to run

December 5, 2008

There’s this great moment in an old Mad About You episode where Paul and Jamie are going through their bathroom routine, brushing teeth, alternating use of the single sink, when Paul leans down to spit and Jamie leans over and spits on the back of his head. Hilarity ensues.

He straightens up, indignant. “I thought we had this figured out!”

The other day I threw a piece of wadded up used floss from the shower and hit Kim in the head.

It’s not weird to brush and floss in the shower, right? I say it’s totally the way to go. You’re warm, cozy, you’re just gonna stand there and hang out anyway. If you wait till you’re out and in front of the sink, you’ll be cold and uncomfortable.

But you don’t want the floss going down the drain. When I finish with the floss, I carefully fold the length in half, then in half again, and again, until I have a tiny wad. Then I toss it across the bathroom to MY side of the double sink vanity, where it settles in the corner and I retrieve it when I get out to then throw it in the trash.

Neat.

But the other day, Kim inexplicably was using MY side of the vanity. I did the usual wadding and tossing (which is a great name for a band), but NOT looking, and the floss ended up in her hair.

bathroom floss incident

There’s no place to run when you’re in the shower.

19 Responses to “no place to run”

  1. Brandon S. Says:

    Thanks. Now I have a reason to not put in a double sink.

  2. mark Says:

    Did you leave us with the cliffhanger ending because there’s going to be a sequel, or did you just forget to tell us what Kim did to exact revenge since, as you mentioned, you had no place to run and all? Or was she real nice about it and didn’t do anything to get you back? Of course if it became some hotel rwanda post moment, I don’t want to know. But good for you (and hopefully Kim) if it did.

  3. KanyonKris Says:

    And what weapon did Kim turn on you? Cold water is the obvious choice, but maybe she chose something more inventive.

    Excellent artwork – it really drove home the drama of the incident. The red trajectory arc and floss wad gave me goose bumps. Your picaso-esqe self rendering, with the titled head and eyes close together, spoke volumes to me about our post-modern societal apathy and existential yearning for deeper meaning. You so aptly capture the depth and subtle shades of the martial relationship. Can I get one of those in a large print for the wall of my study (or bathroom)?

  4. Jeff Says:

    If I did that I wouldn’t blog about it. Because I would be dead.

    And what’s magic about the toilet? Is that from a post before I started reading?

  5. christa89 Says:

    Whoa. You could totally be an artist! 😛 I like the symbolic way your eyes (eye?) are shut…

  6. Rob Says:

    I’m totally confused – what are those 5 dashes at the back of the shower?

  7. Rick S. Says:

    You probably pee in the shower too. That’s just gross.

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    Jeff – read all about the magic toilet

    Rob – That’s the other shower head – Dug has a full-body shower.

    I’m unnerved by how familiar I am with dug’s writing (and by extension dug himself). Sure I’ve been reading dug from the beginning, but still.

    Risk S. – It’s all pipes, what’s the difference?

  9. christa89 Says:

    Brushing your teeth in the shower is NOT weird! The fun part is trying to spit so you hit your bellybutton xD it’s really hard.

  10. Eber Says:

    a shower is like a swiss army knife. pee, shave, brush, floss, wash, sometimes role play (never at the same time mind you).

    all in a handy little device.

  11. BurkeInTheOzarks Says:

    Okay, first of all, I’m sure – SURE – you immediately let Kim know it was her own fault for being out of her designated area, right? So, no reason to run when it really wasn’t your fault to begin with. Right?

    On the other hand, that artist’s rendering of her is completely non-flattering. You should definitely run and hide if she ever sees that.

    And C, after reading about the magic toilet, I must have one. Now.

  12. KanyonKris Says:

    I’m not buying this story. Sounds like a cover-up. There had to be a 2nd tosser. Did you check the grassy knoll for dental floss?

  13. Jeff Says:

    WOW. I just read the magic toilet story and suddenly Dug’s entire worldview makes sense to me. (At least the part of it involving human waste.)

  14. bikemike Says:

    kudos, my man, so many different excellent band names today.
    1. Kim’s Sink
    2. Floss Wad
    3. Magic Toilet
    4. Tub
    5. Closet

    Eber…good one too… Pee, Shave, Brush, Floss.

  15. BotchedExperiment Says:

    For a while my life was so crazy, that I did anything possible to save time.

    For a couple weeks, I started trying to eat my cereal in the shower. There was a nice high shelf to put it on, but it was virtually impossible to take a bite without getting it sprayed. Unlike the sicko’s that comment here, I don’t like water in my cereal.

    Another thing I tried was not drying off afterwards, but just throwing my clothes on. Had to give that up too.

    Instead, I found that I could do laundry while showering if I threw the clothes on the bottom of the shower. When I soaped up and rinsed, the clothes got soapy, and then I tramped on them. The wife stopped that mulit-task when she found a glob of toothpaste in a cashmere sweater. She’s so high maintenance.


  16. Oh my gosh! I want that drawing on a t-shirt! It’s hilarious!

  17. ricky Says:

    why is the magic toilet so big relative to your sinks? and for that matter, why are your sinks so different? kid, i’ve said this many times, you have a hell of an arm. btw, you two sure make a cute couple.

  18. Bob Says:

    We have a similar bathroom configuration, and Wendy is all over the place. When I floss in the shower, I can’t reliably throw the gummy floss without risk. That’s why I spit on the floss to thicken it with a mucus plug, and then I throw it at the spot of the ceiling above the trash can. In time, the floss falls harmlessly in or near the trash can. I tried doing a drawing, but my Windows Paint skills are lacking.

  19. Yuval Says:

    I am looking for this opening of this episode of “Mad About You” that you mentioned. If you know its name, or for that matter – anything about it, please let me know.


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