aghast and agog and stuff
December 10, 2008
I am a bit of a James Bond-o-phile. I mean, I really really like him.
Well, more specifically, I like James Bond movies. Cuz while I really like James Bond, I’m no stalker. I swear. Unless seeing all James Bond movies counts as stalking. Which it doesn’t. I’m a fan, not a psycho.
Anyway. I’m one of those old school James Bond guys who thinks that the NEW James Bond is the best of the bunch. But before we get carried away ranking or anything (forget that, here’s how they stack up: 1. Casino Royale, 2. From Russia With Love, 3. Goldfinger, 4. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5. Goldeneye, there, I said it) let me say, ALL James Bond is GOOD James Bond.
Except Moonraker, which sucked ass so hard I can’t watch it even when it comes on late night TV and I have nothing to do since Kim is out of town or something. Just unwatchable.
Okay, I guess there are exceptions, but lets stay positive here.
I had a surreal James Bond moment the other day, when a fairly youthful co-worker and I were talking movies. He liked Casino Royale (which is good, because otherwise I would have taken him into the lunch room and simply opened the fridge and left him there), and he thought Pierce Brosnan was a great James Bond. Which is a perfectly valid opinion, totally defensible (if inaccurate) if you are comparing Pierce Brosnan to, say, ALL other James Bonds.
I mean, I disagree, I don’t think Pierce Brosnan is the best James Bond, he only ranks 3rd on the list, but it’s okay for reasonable people to disagree about which James Bond is best. But of course, MY comparison/ranking is valid because I happen to know of the existence of James Bond BEFORE Pierce Brosnan.
Do you see what’s happening here? This is where the Friday the 13th music plays. You know, ch ch ch, sh sh sh, ha ha ha. Because, when I said “you like Pierce Brosnan more than Sean Connery? Really?” expecting him to say “oh yeah, Brosnan is great, plus Sean Connery did that cheesy “Never Say Never Again” movie.” Instead, and I am NOT making this up, he blithely said “Sean Connery played James Bond?”
Wait, I need to go put my OWN head in the fridge.
No, seriously, he said that. And I don’t mean he said that and followed it up with something witty, like “You mean he played James Bond’s Dad, right, like he played Indiana Jones’ dad?” cuz that would have been funny, but only if he was totally joking. Ha ha. Nervous laughter. Like that.
He didn’t say that though, because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even KNOW that Sean Connery played Indiana Jones’ dad. He thinks Indiana Jones has ALWAYS cavorted with aliens.
So, all he DID say was “Sean Connery played James Bond?”
What am I supposed to do with that? I mean, I know Chuck Norris would just roundhouse kick him into next week, but what am I supposed to do with that? I can’t just let it go, can I?
I’m pretty sure I went catatonic on him, just blinking and staring until he wandered off looking for a first aid kit.
I am sad. I think I’ll just go listen to Depeche Mode for a while. There are flies on the windscreen.