they’re HERE

December 10, 2008

In the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers, any of the versions really, when one of the pod people spots or recognizes a “real” person, they stop, point, and make a horrible noise.

That kind of happened to me when I voted in the Primary a few months back.

I live in the second reddest state in the nation, and I vote in what may be the reddest town in that state. And my polling place is my kid’s elementary school.

The line was about 30 minutes long, and I was alone, so I stood unassumingly reading my Economist, listening to some pretty incredible vitriol in line about the Godless Democrats who wanted to take away everybody’s guns and kill unborn children (with forks). But since voting is anonymous, none of this vitriol was directed directly at ME.

Until I got to the table.

See, in the primary, you have to declare your affiliation, so that you get the right ballot. In Alpine, they usually don’t even bother asking. When I got to the table, the little old lady just started handing me stuff, and I said “um, a Democrat ballot please.”

Her head snapped up, with a wild eyed look. “Dolores” she called to another woman without taking her eyes off me. “I need a democrat ballot.” If she could have peed on the word as she said it she would have.

A hush fell over the huge line behind me.

Okay, I might have been imagining the hush. But several people in line pointed at me and screeched in that Invasion of the Body Snatchers way.

Okay, nobody pointed and screeched. But they stared.

And whispered. I thought as I exited down the hall with the big line they were gonna go all Tailhook on me. I guess I shouldn’t flatter myself.

It was right after that I started getting emails about Obama’s birth certificate. Coincidence? I think not.

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15 Responses to “they’re HERE”

  1. Jeff Says:

    …and now you know what it is to be a Republican in the Northeast.

  2. Aaron Says:

    Reminds me of a good article from “the sugarbeet” (the lds version of the onion) a while ago. It was about a guy who found himself in the voting booth and decided to vote democrat “just to see what it feels like.” During his guilt-filled drive home, he saw some signs supporting democrat candidates and he felt like he was looking at “political pornography.” Good stuff.

  3. bikemike Says:

    isn’t red the color of communism . . . i thought so.


  4. I know how you feel. My inlaws are from your state and they all thought we were apostates for voting Democrat this year. It was kind of fun making them squirm. I haven’t pulled the Harry Reid card (He’s a Mormon) on them yet. I’m saving that one for a while.

  5. BurkeInTheOzarks Says:

    I live in NW Arkansas so I can understand your uneasiness. There is one Dem contingent here – in Fayetteville where the U of Ark is – but I don’t live there. My neighborhood is much, much redder. It may not be the extreme you have but it’s palpable.

  6. Bander Says:

    Alpine is hardly the reddest town in the state, they haven’t even passed any laws outlawing the UN and requiring gun ownership yet.

  7. dug Says:

    bander, i, um, well, that’s true. i’m gonna take back some of the things i’ve said about alpine. compared to la verkin, alpine is pretty mellow.

    of course, compared to the ebola virus, so is pneumonia.

  8. steve Says:

    I knew we should have dropped you on your head a few more times when you were younger!!!

  9. Kathleen Says:

    I bet that’s what a Republican feels like voting in my extremely liberal and democratic neighborhood in San Francisco. Ha!

    How exactly do you thrive surrounded by such scary people?

  10. dug Says:

    kathleen, i bet it is just like that. and that’s the thing. these aren’t scary people, they’re wonderfully nice people.

    they just aren’t MY people.

  11. brkeyes7 Says:

    You’re a Democrat? I think Democrats are too far to the right for you.

  12. Andrew Says:

    I blogged about my vote and had quite a fiery comment from a buddy of mine in the ward. Good times.

  13. dug Says:

    andrew, your friend trevor is a victim of propaganda. which is ironic, considering how it’s people like that who consider obama supporters to be that, and maybe we all are, but as much as you and i might spout “unity” and “hope” and “dignity” he spouts “socialism” and “spread the wealth around” like a good hannity parrot.

    i guess we’re all parrots. i like our kind of parrot.

  14. Simón Says:

    You know you’re a Democrat in Utah County, Utah when (1) the poll workers have to find and pull a ballot from the back of the room, and you’re vote only counts for 2/3; (2) there’s an APB and BOLO (be on look out) sent to the county sheriff with your name on it; (3) fellow church members doubt your devotion to the faith; and (4) you are summoned to your bishop’s office on accusations of affiliating with certain, er, unacceptable groups. Not that it has happened to me. I’m just sayin’.

  15. dug Says:

    simon, i think we count as 3/5s of a vote, at least in utah.


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