you guys are the best

January 6, 2009

You guys totally didn’t need to get me anything for Christmas. I mean, I didn’t get YOU anything.

I came home from skiing Saturday, and found a little package on my doorstep. The package contained this book and accessory:

plunger book counter

Remember a month ago, I heard this book discussed on NPR, and I was a little outraged that they didn’t have ME on the show. Well, turns out that Rose George has done her research.

What, did you all 6 of you get together on the web and send this to me? Well, THANKS.

I stayed up for a few hours the other night reading, sitting on the magic toilet, since I think it’s appropriate that this book be read while sitting on a toilet (wait, YOU didn’t already read this while sitting on the toilet, right? Oh, let’s not go there, please), and I LOVE it. This woman thinks like I do.

Take a look:

“In 2007, readers of the British Medical Journal were asked to vote for the biggest medical milestone of the last two hundred years. Their choice was wide: antibiotics, penicillin, anesthesia, the Pill. They chose Sanitation [modernly defined as the proper disposal of human excreta]. In poorly sewered nineteenth-century London, one child out of two died early. After toilets, sewers, and hand-washing with soap became normal, child mortality dropped by a fifth, the largest reduction in child mortality in British history.”

See? SEE? It’s a big deal. And I am not alone. Gandhi, after spending his life trying to rid India of its colonial rulers, said “Sanitation is more important than independence.” Rudyard Kipling said that drains are “a great and glorious thing, and I study ’em and write about ’em when I can.”

Yay toilets. Clean ones, anyway. Did you know that 2.6 BILLION people don’t have toilets? That is, they shit in the street, the bushes, wherever. Nobles used to shit in the hallways on the floor in Versailles. Ick.

Oh, and the accessory included in the gift, that “plunger.” Thanks for that too. What, the book didn’t cost quite enough, you had an extra dollar? Here’s where the “plunger” goes:

plunger book bidet

I put it by the magic toilet, since the magic toilet rarely needs plunging, and I’m pretty sure this “plunger” would just make a mess, and not actually plunge anything. I need to get a sign on it that reads “NOT A REAL PLUNGER-DO NOT USE!”

But really, it’s the thought (er, book) that counts. Thanks.

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13 Responses to “you guys are the best”

  1. bikemike Says:

    waste not, want not.

  2. Rick S. Says:

    I’d like to come over to your house and leave you a “gift”.

  3. steve Says:

    6 of us read your blog? and 2 are your brothers and 1 is your mom? YOU are POPULAR!! I think the perfect thing to do with the non-real plunger is re-gift it to your work, anonymously. My apologies to your secret Santa but I think he/she would agree. And just how do you come up with so many quotes about poo? You really are the foremost authority and I bow to your poo wisdom.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    I guess when you show a photo of a toilet, Rick’s comment is inevitable. To guys it is. Pee, poop, fart!

  5. Eber Says:

    or as a wise old poop sage once said “poo, butt, fart”.

  6. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    Heheheheheheheh!!

  7. BotchedExperiment Says:

    I was talking to an MD/PhD Pediatric Oncologist once about septicemia and what types of bugs grow up from cultures taken from healthy folks. He said that blood concentrations of E. coli spike after a person deficates. When I asked why, he answered, “turd trama.”

  8. forgingahead Says:

    Now that’s just the nicest most perfect gift ever. You sure it’s not from Elden? You know he has that magical power when it comes to gift giving…

  9. hoyacougar Says:

    they left the price tag on the plunger? or is that a gift receipt…?

    steve, dug has 5 brothers and his mom, ergo, 6!

  10. MOCougFan Says:

    Poop Poop, Fizz Fizz, Oh what a Relief IT is.

  11. KanyonKris Says:

    hoyacougar – do you think dug would be comfortable with a plunger that didn’t have some indicator (price tag, packaging, etc.) that it was new and unused?

  12. 3sushis Says:

    Is this poopsnob? Whoa, wrong spot. Sorry!


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