i am not alone
January 7, 2009
K, you know how my bathroom at work is like a third world experience, right?
The funny thing is, when I talk to co-workers about the conditions here, they all nod and agree with me, kind of in the same way that everybody talks about how bad drivers are, but nobody ever says “Hey! I’M a sucky driver, stop making fun of me!” But rather everybody thinks everybody sucks except for present company.
Well, the other day, as I was leaving said work bathroom, a co-worker stopped me and said “let me show you something in the toilet.”
Of course, I threw a $5 bill on the ground to distract him and ran away.
But that’s not what he meant. He came and got me, and said, “no, seriously, come and see this.”
I’m a little ashamed to admit I followed him into the bathroom, and, ahem, into the big bathroom stall. I stood well back.
He went to the toilet and took the cover off the tank. “Check it out” he said. “Look what I did.”
I know what you’re thinking, and no, he didn’t leave a “gift” or a “package” in the toilet tank as a joke, like that guy who lived on my dorm floor in college did.
No, he did something more like what you would expect from a freedom fighter, a resistance member, a Patriot. Check it out:
Ignore, if you can, the color and rust and corrosion, and focus a little.
See that open-topped plastic tube that surrounds the green flush valve? Well, that plastic tube thing is a sneaky way for management to reduce the power and volume of a toilet flush. See, when you install one of those, only the water IN the plastic thing is used in a flush, instead of all the water in a tank. This is like the 6 liter flush law of 1991, on steroids. The bastards.
But my compatriot had taken a sharp object (I didn’t ask too many questions, in case he or I was captured and questioned) and cut the side out of the restrictor tube, allowing ALL of the water in the tank to add power to the flush.
That’s right. We’re like the Monkey Wrench Gang. Well, he is. I just whine and take pictures. Like that journalist played by Martin Sheen that followed Ghandi around. That’s me.
Maybe someday we’ll sneak in at night and install one of those power assist toilets. “We will oovveerrccoommee!”