do something, anything

January 14, 2009

One of my favorite Seinfeld moments is when Elaine and Putty are on an airplane, and they break up and get back together and break up again during a single flight.

During the “back together” portion, right after they’ve made up with each other, they settle in for the flight. Elaine pulls out out a magazine and starts flipping pages. Putty, on the other hand, stares straight ahead. After a few minutes, Elaine gets uncomfortable. She asks Putty if he would like a magazine.

“No, I’m good” says Putty. Resumes staring.

She offers him a book. Then a catalog.

“Nah. I’m good” insists Putty, staring at the seatback in front of him.

After a few more minutes, Elaine can’t stand it anymore.

“That’s IT” she rages. “We are DONE!” Putty agrees. And resumes staring.

I was at the windshield repair shop yesterday. Windshield repair takes about an hour, and the waiting room table was covered in magazines, though I had brought along my book about poo, and didn’t need the October Good Housekeeping.

But two others arrived in the waiting room just minutes after I did. A heavy set middle aged man sat down and, you guessed it, stared straight ahead. For an HOUR.

A woman sat a couple chairs over, pulled herself up cross legged in the small chair and, you guessed it, stared straight ahead.

waiting room


I grew increasingly uncomfortable. I fidgeted. I tried to read about poo in South Africa. And finally, I was seconds away from snapping and screaming at both of them “That’s IT! We are DONE!”

But just before I broke up with these two forever, my windshield was done, my name was called, and I could leave these two starers to their “thoughts.”

I did not use the bathroom.


21 Responses to “do something, anything”

  1. 3sushis Says:

    Resting eyes for next marathon driving/texting session once new windshield is in.

  2. The curiosity is killing me. When you snapped a picture of them did they keep staring or did that wake them from their comas?

  3. MOCougFan Says:

    Just curious… Is the picture copyrighted?

  4. bikemike Says:

    patrick warburton makes me laugh.

  5. anon Says:

    At least she likes beanies. Remember when George was dating the “She-Jerry” and decided it was okay because the both liked gum?

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    dug, like Seinfeld you have a talent for turning nothing into something. But this isn’t really nothing – pretty odd to have one starer, but two? And, yes, it would have freaked me out a little too. I’ll bet that guy’s name is Vegetable Lasagna.

    Too bad you didn’t live blog this as I would have offered you $20 to yell at them. (See Seinfeld episode “The Chinese Restaurant”).

    Now curiosity is killing me: What does the toilet look like at the windshield repair shop? Is it left handled? Clean? Does it have a water saver installed? A functioning plunger?

  7. MOCougFan Says:

    C’mon dug. I’m sure you took a picture of the toilet. If you can manage a picture of the two starers, I’m sure you snuck in for a pic of the toilet. Good material.

  8. bikemike Says:

    my guess is they were staring at the bathroom door so, if you used it, they would be staring at YOU when you came out. very creepy.

  9. dug Says:

    mocougfan, um, why? do you need it?

  10. Eric Says:

    Dug, I think you’ve discovered a new plot. Attack of the Broken Windshield Zombies.

  11. dug Says:

    chris, that’s good stuff. a valuable service that is. wait, am i talking like yoda?

  12. MOCougFan Says:

    Good point. I really don’t need it. Bad comment.

  13. dug Says:

    mo, no, i’m not saying the comment was bad. i would never say one of your comments was bad, as far as you know. i just wanted to make sure you weren’t warning me of legal or liability issues.

    mikeonhisbike, i turned off the sound before i took the pic with my iphone. i tried to be discreet, but i’m pretty sure it was unnecessary since they were both so entranced by the opposite wall.

  14. mark Says:

    Time stamp on this is 4:53 a.m. Did you write this before we went skiing this morning?

  15. dug Says:

    mark, dude, easy there.

    in fact, since you’re asking, i wrote the post yesterday at work using windows live writer, saved a draft to the web, and as i was checking the canyon forecast before heading out this morning, i posted the saved draft from a browser at home.

    great. now the magic is gone. whatever.

  16. Mary Says:

    IF I were waiting for my windshield and IF I forgot to bring my own reading material, I would definitely NOT touch any reading material in the waiting room. Who knows who has touched the magazines before and if they used the bathroom before they touched them? That would leave “meditating” as my only option.

    Just another way to look at it. Literally.

  17. steve Says:

    Mary,then one should meditate with the eyes closed. Staring is creepy, at least look like you are trying to relax or nap or ANYTHING but staring. Heck, go check out the toilet. I can’t believe Dug didn’t get a shot of it. Dug, would you mind going by and getting a picture? we are all feeling deprived despite the multiple toilet pics from the other day.

  18. bikemike Says:

    meditation with eyes open is hypnosis. again, creepy.
    dug, did you get the hyp-no-tize option on your cell phone thingy?

  19. BotchedExperiment Says:

    i used to ride the bus from AF to SLC and back. there are folks that spend 2 hours A DAY staring out the window. No music, no internet, no book, no video game, no nothing.

    it made me wonder whether I was inadequate for being unable to sit around doing nothing. do i lack inner peace? is my mind cluttered? am i too easily distracted and therefore can not concentrate on nothing?

  20. DanKMTB Says:

    If I didn’t have anything to read, or a podcast in my phone in my headset (or maybe even with the podcast if it wasn’t that good) I would sleep. Really. I sleep anywhere. It freaks some people out. I wake up if I hear my name or am touched, which is convenient. I’ve yet to master waking up when my destination station is called on a train or bus, which is less convenient. I wonder where the sleeping ranks compared to staring.

    Props on taking that photo. I too would have liked it if you screamed.

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