he can’t go left

January 15, 2009

Since I’ve got Seinfeld on the brain, I was reminded again this week.

I’m sitting in the easy chair in the basement shop area at Salt Lake City Bicycle Company, my usual lunch spot, while Brad works on building up his new Vassago Singlespeed.

Brad’s phone rings, so he pulls out the phone and puts it up to his ear. Sort of.

brad opposite hand

I’m sitting there staring at him while he talks on the phone. And when he hangs up, I say, “Dude. What the hell?”

He says “What?”

I say “What do you mean, ‘What?’ You answered the phone with your right hand, and you held it up to your LEFT ear. What the hell?”

He says “That’s my listening ear. My phone ear. Usually I use my left hand and  hold to my left ear, but my left hand had a greasy glove on it, so I used my RIGHT hand and listened with my LEFT ear. What?”

So, sort of like George in the best Seinfeld episode ever, Brad can’t go right. Well, George can’t go left, and Brad can’t LISTEN on his right. I mean, I can’t go right (yet I sleep lookers RIGHT), so I know what he means. Although I’m pretty sure I’m ambidextrous phone-hand-to-ear-wise.

Anyway, whatever. What Brad did was messed up.

14 Responses to “he can’t go left”


  1. Dang i thought i was the only one who suffered from that

  2. Rob Says:

    Um, I believe you ALSO have a listening ear…

    Why else can you be carrying on a conversation then blurt out Ohhh…”911 is a Joke”

  3. bikemike Says:

    i’ll use my left foot if i have to but i will not talk on the phone listening with my left ear.
    i’m not sure what i’d do if i was outside peeing and the cell phone rings and i’ve got a diet coke in one hand, things could get ugly(er)

  4. 3sushis Says:

    listening to janis joplin, “take your mothers’ pista apart” and sort of wondering about the…

  5. KanyonKris Says:

    WARNING: dug may take a photo of you at any time without your awareness or consent!

    The Implant is a fine episode, but my favorite is The Opposite, followed closely by The Marine Biologist. That’s gold, dug, gold!

  6. dug Says:

    rob, that’s a whole nother issue–the one ear ipod listen. maybe i’ll get to that.

    kris, cmon. the implant has, well, the implant, AND he can’t go left, AND the double chip dipper, AND the death certificate. that’s michael phelps territory.

  7. mark Says:

    +1 for Rob’s “911 is a joke” comment. If you’re pointing out stuff that’s weird, that’s gotta make the list. That and the frozen brown pee on the side of the skin track yesterday.

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    True, The Implant is a well stacked episode – certainly top 10.

    The Opposite – has Jerry as Even Steven (see how it all works out for me?), Kramer talks about his coffee table book on Regis & Kathy Lee, Elaine sinks (the JujyFruit, Litman no hanky, Do you know what’s going on here? Can’t you see what’s happened? I’ve become George.), George finds religion (A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it’s all happening because I’m completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I have had. This is no longer just some crazy notion. Elaine, Jerry, this is my religion.)

    And The Marine Biologist – Golden Boy (and his son, Baby Blue), Testikov, War: What is it good for?, the beeping organizer, the sea was angry that day my friends, Titlest (what a punchline).

    But I shall not argue with you, Seinfeld brother. For all is good in the holy canon. (Well, the final episode was weak and in some of the early ones they hadn’t hit their stride.)

  9. brkeyes7 Says:

    That’s not messed up. You know what’s messed up? Running downstairs to tell the neighbors that you just only met the night before that you thought you had only farted but actually pooped yourself. Who does that?

  10. dug Says:

    keebler, cmon, it wasn’t the night before. i’d known you for DAYS at least. i had to tell SOMEONE. it was you or the landlord.

  11. BurkeInTheOzarks Says:

    I’m a one-ear-only phone listener (albeit left) so I totally get it.

    Dug, maybe it’s you “swing both ways” guys that are messed up…

  12. ricky Says:

    no surprise here. brad’s been crossed up for a long time.

  13. forgingahead Says:

    Apparently all Burke’s are left leaning, ear-phone wise. Me too!

  14. Kt Says:

    I think that means that Brad is able to “cross the median” or whatever it’s called. He can reach across his midline for things on the opposite side. Right hand, left ear.


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