the woosh master

January 21, 2009

I am the master of the woosh. That is, I am the wooshmaster. Which is to say, nobody does the woosh better–in fact, nobody else does it even satisfactorily.

My kids will not go to bed without it, unless coerced, or unless they’re mad at me. So about half the time.

I can hear you thinking to yourself, “dug, what the hell’s a woosh?”

Don’t think I can’t hear it. I can totally hear it. And don’t be embarrassed, it’s a normal question. Few people know the way of the woosh.

My kids have varying degrees of attachment to the woosh. And Rick S likes the woosh too. I’ll get to that.

Maddy, my 15 year old, calls it a wooshy woosh. It means she gets in bed, and then I take each of her blankets individually, and one at a time, woosh it onto her bed, until each blanket is properly wooshed and in place. Then I check for monsters in the usual places, make sure the cd of her uncle Dan’s piano music is re-started, and I’m on my way. Unless it’s “little chat” time, which takes a little longer, where we talk politics (seriously), sports, relationships, whatever.

Ian is 13, and goes through woosh phases. I used to woosh Ian, but he’s grown pretty independent, and now likes to do his own wooshing. Although, last night, he kept interrupting my Maddy woosh, and then requested a woosh of his own. I’m encouraged.

Holden, who is 10, usually wants a woosh before he goes to sleep, but will often drift off without one. That doesn’t let me off the woosh hook though, because Holden wanders through our room at least once a night to use the bathroom, and on his way out, he wakes me up and asks for a post-bathroom-visit woosh. I oblige, though I woosh all 3 blankets at once, since he’s sleepy and doesn’t know the difference.

Nobody wooshes like I do. Rick S knows this, because once when we were in a hotel in Moab, I got up to pee in the middle of the night (separate queen beds, case you were wondering), and noticed that he was covered only in the bedsheet, no blanket, and he was all curled up and shivering. I grabbed a couple big blankets and gave him a first class woosh.

In the morning, he woke up, noticed the blankets, and said “Um, dude. Did you WOOSH me last night?”

Well, yeah. Geez, there’s no pleasing some people.

13 Responses to “the woosh master”

  1. Jonnie Says:

    You got room in your tent at Gooseberry?

  2. mark Says:

    I’m trying this with my kids. Maybe that will get my son to go to bed.

  3. mark Says:

    Actually, maybe you should come over and do it. That way I can try to learn from the master.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    I though wooshing was some type of hazing ritual. Glad you cleared that up.

    Sounds like a good fatherly tradition. Kids remember that stuff (and hopefully it makes up for some stuff they really should forget). You’ve got my vote for father of the year.

    Wooshing Rick is both heart-warming and creepy at the same time. Now if you were both girls, it would be only heart-warming. I’d try to explain this difference, but I’m not qualified to do so since I’ve been notified I’m not a 0 or even a 1 on the Kensey Scale due solely to a few songs in my collection.

  5. Rick S. Says:

    Dug left out a very important part of the story. There were 3 of us in that room and only 2 beds. Dug got his own bed and I had to share the other bed with Eric (my other Bro-in-law). Eric is by far the most handsome of the family so I didn’t mind but I did make a point to sleep on the very edge of the bed to avoid ANY touching. When I woke up all tucked in and cozy, my first thought was that Eric had done it.

  6. bikemike Says:

    grown men wooshing grown men . . . there are no words.

  7. KanyonKris Says:

    Rick – Your clarification was indeed warranted. But what has Eric being handsome got to do with this story? Are you too proud to sleep with ugly guys? Or… Wait, stop, I regret this line of questioning already and will abandon it immediately. And I urge you to take the 5th – don’t make my mistake of speaking up or you might find your Kinsey score affected too.

  8. dug Says:

    kris, your kinsey score is what it is. i (and you) can’t affect it, i can only report it.

  9. bikemike Says:

    Kris, unfortunately it would appear that you need to find a rift in the space-time continuum and change your post from yesterday and improve your kinsey score.

    one can only imagine what foul-up,on my part, will cause my kinsey numbers to fall off a cliff. i dare say it’ll have something to do women/food/raising children/politics/religion.

  10. KanyonKris Says:

    Do you think I could create said space-time rift at the Large Hadron Collider? It’s worth a shot – I’m getting desperate. And there’s more than one unfortunate comment I’d like to change or plain not make. Enjoy this thread while you can – it’ll be about kittens by the time I’m back from Switzerland.

  11. steveA Says:

    Nice thing bout Dug, just doesn’t care what anyone thinks of what he does or says.

  12. MOCougFan Says:

    Reminds me of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles….


  13. forgingahead Says:

    What a cool tradition to have with your kids! And how great is it that your 15 year old daughter still speaks to you, let alone about politics, et al.

    I’m taking the 5th on the Rick S thing though I do think it shows a certain kindness.

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