have you studied your agrippa?

January 28, 2009

Last Spring I had to go to some formal award dinner for work. Kim graciously came with me, and we suffered through like 3 hours of “formal” cafeteria food and the speeches of award recipients.

But we did see something that made it all worthwhile–the servers were trained in the Munchausen school of food delivery and plate retrieval.

Okay, there isn’t a Munchausen school of food delivery and plate retrieval (as far as I know–if there is, I’ll be very excited, and may enroll), but maybe there should be. I have never seen anything like this.

The servers, like maybe all professional dinner servers, would line up at the back of the room, and move in teams of 4 or 6 commandos. The teams would break off from the main line and encircle a table, but not willy nilly, but rather as an encirclement maneuver, all the way around until we were surrounded.

That is, they would, in a line, walk around the table until it was encircled, stop and hover just behind us, and then, responding to some unseen or unheard signal (maybe they have implants in their brains? I couldn’t see any mini earbuds), they would step to the table in unison and either place a little bowl of Jello, or remove a plate full of whatever vegetable we wouldn’t eat. They would step back, hover again, and then, when the dog whistle sounded, leave the table, but as more of a DE-circling action.

I admit to being a bit unsettled. I mean, do they really study and practice this, like a sports team? And I wonder about the job interview.

“So, Alonso, I see you have some server experience. What methods have you studied?”

“Well, I learned the Bonetti method under Wesley, but I’ve also studied my Agrippa”

“Sure, that’s fine, but do you know the Capa Ferro?”

“Um, well, a bit.”

“Yeah, sorry, we’re a Capa Ferro shop. It’s all we use, with the encircling variation.”

“Damn. Well, thanks anyway.”

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11 Responses to “have you studied your agrippa?”

  1. mark Says:

    You pushed yesterday below the line for this? If lunch isn’t rankable, I’m going to feel slighted.

  2. mark Says:

    OK, I take back that comment. I just realized dug was smiling because he is not left-handed.

  3. BotchedExperiment Says:

    To coordinate their actions, they use electrified nipple rings. 1 shock for start, 2 for stop, 10 shocks for spilling.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Good thing you didn’t go to the men’s room. If you though the dinning team maneuvers were unsettling, the bathroom team would have surely freaked you out.

    Perhaps the precision of our sacrament service would be improved if the deacons had the electrified nipple rings.

  5. anon Says:

    It seems everyone is going to the Capa Feo lately.

  6. bikemike Says:

    just don’t go to a black tie event with a Sicilian…because, that would be a mistake.

  7. steveA Says:

    But at least you developed an immunity from the poison, right? Right!? Part of the encircling is to hide who gets the poison.

  8. MOCougFan Says:

    Botched and KK…. Loved the electrified nipple rings. Couple of my deacons I’d like to jolt occasionally.

  9. mtb w Says:

    Uh, what happened to the donut post?

  10. dug Says:

    mtb w. um. what?

  11. mtb w Says:

    Hmm, don’t know what happened. The donut post disappeared for a short time and then reappeared. I thought you removed the post, maybe since the big bossman found out. But the post is back – yeah! It makes for a good work discussion – yeah, we are so productive at work!


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