as big as my head

January 29, 2009

So we’re sitting in the daily dev meeting this morning, and out of the blue, big boss man brings in two big boxes of donuts. This has never happened  before, and pretty much makes up for the bathroom and the fridge.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, maybe not, but still, TWO big boxes of donuts. And not crappy donuts either, good stuff, and much variety.

Now, I’m not a huge (hm) donut guy. I don’t like glazed, I don’t like maple bars, I don’t go nuts for donuts.

But I love a couple of donut items. For example, I love the Dunford Chocolate donut that is so thick it’s a meal. In fact, it’s my daily breakfast meal. Yum.

And I love (LOVE) the raspberry fritters at Daylight Donuts in Pleasant Grove. When I used to live in PG, I would do the drive up and say “Got any warm fritters?” If they had em, I’d buy three. They MELT in your mouth. If they didn’t have em, I would just drive on through. “Nothing for me today thanks.”

So the boxes of donuts in today’s meeting–after everybody had taken their fill, I looked to see what was left, and, in fact, there was an apple fritter still in the box. I like fritters. So I took this one back to my desk.

But the more I look at it, the less I want to eat it. For one thing, it reminds me of the huge mama spider in Arachnophobia. HUGE. And crispy. And dark. But mostly HUGE. I’m a little nervous.

Take a look:

fritter solo

Okay, by itself, I can see how you might think it’s not so big. Trust me, it’s big.

fritter seeds bag

That’s a ONE POUND bag of sunflower seeds. How many calories do you think the fritter is?

Okay, here, this is a super deluxe triple ply roll of Charmin.

fritter tp

And a SIXTY FOUR ounce bottle of water:

fritter water

For a true comparison, take a look at this. It’s big:

fritter and head number 2

Wait, I have a pretty big head, so that’s not a good example of “It’s as big as my HEAD!”

Here is a volunteer with a normal sized head:

fritter and head number 1

Can you imagine? So you eat this thing, and now you have something as big as your head in your stomach.

On the other hand, you know that by the end of the day, I’ll have eaten it. The only way to stop myself is to mar it’s deliciousness somehow. Rachelle pours water on extra cookies she doesn’t want to eat.

There, I just poured water on it.

Nope, that didn’t work, I still want it.

I’m gonna have to pee on it.


24 Responses to “as big as my head”

  1. bikemike Says:

    cut it in half (NOW!) and give the other half to your apple fritter model friend. NOW, get up…what…you’re still sitting there…get up and do it. half an apple fritter is perfectly acceptable.

  2. mark Says:

    My four-year-old was ranting last night about how gross pea stew is. I like peas OK, so we figured it was just cuz he’s four. Then he told us how it’s made, veggies, meat, blah blah blah, “then someone pees in it.” Yeah, gross enough.

    That one at least looks tasty. Only way I could keep myself from eating it would be to throw it out the window while driving (in the wastebasket next to me may not be enough).

  3. Rob Says:

    Dill Pickle sunflower seeds?

    I stopped by Daylight Donuts this morning. Blueberry bear claws and maple bars…

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    It also looks like another object – something I see often when riding my bike through areas grazed by cows. Not that that would stop me from eating it. Just saying.

    I’m a donut halfer. Sadly, I often return for the other half. But at least I made an attempt.

  5. andy Says:

    ahahahaha! this post was awesome.

    i think i would be able to avoid eating it by recognizing that the roll of TP i take into the nasty bathroom and use with…ummm…pre-washed hands is sitting 1/8″ away from the fritter. that would make at least half of it easy to stay away from. maybe give that half to your donut model friend.

  6. steve Says:

    Bring it on over for lunch, I’ll eat it for you! And what are you doing with Dill Pickle sunflower seeds? Dropping a 1/2 pound on the fritter might keep me from eating it. You could have the model lick it, definite turn off on the fritter eating. Better yet, he could take it in the bathroom and put it on the tank behind the toilet. Dilemma solved unless you wanted to drive up here and give it to me before you do ANY of those things. I don’t care if you hand it to me with your bare hands.

  7. Eber Says:

    fritters with melted butter…mmm…I’ll be right back!

  8. christa89 Says:

    Obviously, you had a productive day at work. Just hope your boss didn’t come in and see you taking pictures of donuts and toilet paper… although maybe (s)he’s used to it?

  9. bikemike Says:

    our winter ride takes us north up to Melbourne Beach(just south of Cocoa Bch.). on the way up it’s Gu and Cliff bars and such. when we stop at the 7-Eleven for resties, it’s an apple fritter for me. that thing will more than get me back. i luv apple fritters and Krispy Kreme and Dunkin and oh wait, i think i hear a chocolate covered something calling my name.

  10. Keith Says:

    Classic Dug, thanks for the gut jiggling laugh, I may have just burned enough calories to go get a doughnut. Sweeeet!

  11. mary Says:

    Cute model! Not you, the one with the normal-sized head.

  12. Rick S. Says:

    Dug- Don’t relate to the water jug. Please take a pic next to a 44oz diet coke and re-post.
    Thank you.

  13. JB Says:

    I think the bigger question is the underlying reason your boss brought in donuts when that never happens…..

  14. Gary Says:

    Put it in the refrigerator. That should do the trick.

  15. Bob B. Says:

    After reading your blog entry, I went upstairs and bought a cup of soup and an apple fritter for lunch. I ate the whole thing. Eagerly, and with reservations.

  16. eric Says:

    Do we now know what the heretofore unknown crumbs on the bathroom floor are?
    Still want that fritter?
    You’re welcome.

  17. forgingahead Says:

    My oh my that is a sizable fritter…and it looks so crunchy and sweet too. Damn you, now I gotta go rustle up something sweet. Not even your “pee on it” comment quelled the craving. And that’s saying something.

  18. BotchedExperiment Says:

    For two years I lived in an apartment that was 20 yards from Banburry Cross donuts in salt lake city. The apartment had no AC, so in the summer, with the windows open and a breeze blowing our direction, the cooking donutty goodness smell would actually wake me up at about 4am. By 5am it would look like Dawn of the Dead over there with me banging on the door saying, “must have donuts.”

    Talk about waking up hungry.

  19. steveA Says:

    Dang, that fritter is big but still only looks to be half the size of your head!

  20. Normal-sized head guy Says:

    Did you hear that Dug? She said I’m cute…

  21. dug Says:

    christa89, i’m pretty sure from the beginning of the taking pictures to the actual posting of the blog post no more than 30 minutes elapsed. i’m pretty sure on a typical day, i could find the time to repeat that sequence 5 or 6 times. i only lack the material.

    and yes, they’ve grown accustomed to my picture taking.

  22. until i shit in the room, so you’ll proberly get laid. when u land, in the airplane. with this new head of yours.

  23. Normal-sized head guy Says:

    Dug. It’s been almost 10 years. Someone said to me, “you’re the Dunford apple fritter guy.” Sure enough, after googling, Dunford apple fritter, my normal sized head popped up. Thanks for making me famous.

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