the lamest of the lame

February 10, 2009

Remember in The Breakfast Club, how in the big confessional scene, where everybody tells how they ended up in detention, and Emilio Estevez gets all wigged out cuz his Dad always wished he would “break out” more, get wild, do something crazy, stop being so straight and “jock-ish?”

My break out, do-something-crazy stories are the lamest of the lame.

For example.

In high school, me, my older brother, and a bunch of friends decided to go to the drive-in movies. Probably to see something WILD, like Wet T-Shirt Contest III.

But to make it even WILDER, we decided to sneak most of us in in the trunk of the car. Cuz drive-in movies charged by the person, not the carload. At least this one did. And we were sticking it to the man!

Except, who wants to spend a lot of time in the trunk of a car? Ick. So we didn’t actually put anybody IN the trunk until we were in line at the drive-in. And when we pulled up to pay, the guy, who had clearly been tipped off, took our money, then said “I’m going to have to look in your trunk.”

An eventuality for which we were completely unprepared. Completely.

Steve was driving. I think he said “um. Okay. Here, I’ll pop it. By the way, there are some guys in there.”

I feel like shooting myself in the head as I write this. Except it gets better.

The guy went back, looked, shut the trunk again (!?), and came back to the front and said, “Yeah, you’ll have to leave.”

Steve said “Can we have our money back then?” And the guy looked at us like we were total retards (a fair assessment) and said “Do you want me to call the cops?”

No, no we didn’t. We drove away.

Okay, NOW I feel like shooting myself in the head. I’ll settle for punching myself in the face.

15 Responses to “the lamest of the lame”

  1. steveA Says:

    Thanks Dug, now I feel like punching you in the face too!! Should we try it again only further back in line this time?

  2. mark Says:

    do they even have drive in movies anymore?

  3. bikemike Says:

    some of us guys were into skateboarding back in the 70’s so, we were all kool and stuff. well, some people in the neighborhood had pitched in a bunch of money to pour concrete into a nice drainage ditch between a bunch of houses.
    woo-hoo, instant skate park.
    we skaters in our infinite stupidity and creative moronintude decided to spray paint neat designs and such on said concrete. one of us actually knew what Helter-Skelter actually meant so, that was the word of choice all up and down the ditch.
    a group of mothers (brave and scared,God bless ’em) confronted us and proceeded to grill us on who had done the destructive art work.

    mom no.1: ” do you boys have anything to say for yourselves?”

    dave cook (his real name): “uuhhh, no”

    classic, the true beginning of beavis and butthead.

  4. mary Says:

    You were in high school, for crying out loud. Everyone did moronic things in high school.

    Hey, Dug, I saw this and immediately thought of you: http://www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com/home/index.php. Might be a nice addition to your home library.

  5. brkeyes7 Says:

    Lame? Really? I’ve got stories. Anybody want stories?

  6. south Says:

    We did that as well but we never got caught. We had 4 people and a case of wine coolers in the back of my 72 Olds 98. They had plenty of rooom in there and they were talking so loud when I pulled up to pay, I had to turn up the radio to drown them out.

  7. Rob Says:

    It’s just as well…Wet T-shirt Contest III makes no sense unless you’ve alreay seen I and II.

  8. chtrich Says:

    This should be one of the better comment sections with that post.

  9. MOCougFan Says:

    I never did anything dumb like that in HS. So whose lamer? He who does nothing, or he who gets caught?

  10. Lin Says:

    He who gets caught is lamer. He who does nothing can always lie and make up a good story.

  11. steve Says:

    Sorry Rob, I know it wasn’t wet t-shirt contest III, I think they only made 2. I really have no idea what it was but we had girls with us so it wouldn’t have been along those lines. Probably that time traveling duo known as “White Stallion”, Schwing!!

    Anybody else do the driving with your foot out the window thing??? Woo hoo.

  12. VA Biker Says:

    Dug, maybe you were on the leading edge of The Swarm last fall…

    http://ag.utah.gov/news/africannewsrelease.html

  13. Asshat Says:

    When I was in junior high school, if there was an x-rated movie on at the drive-in, we’d sneak over a ditch and hide in the weeds to watch it. It was sometimes difficult to hear the dialogue but nobody really cared anything about that. The thrill was the possibility of seeing some boobs. Usually, though, a rent-a-cop would swing by and chase us out before anything really good appeared on the screen.

  14. steveA Says:

    brkeyes7-so share some stories so the rest of us can feel a little better

  15. bikemike Says:

    male teenager = idiot (actually calling a male teenager an idiot is probably an insult to idiots)


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