black helicopters

February 25, 2009

I’ve been bagging a bit lately on my younger brother, like when he mowed the raspberry bushes so that he wouldn’t have to weed and pick them. And NOTHING happened to him. I don’t know if my Mom even noticed.

But really, I guess, I was  getting him back for that in advance for years.

Like the time I clipped my toenails in my own room, next to the bed. When I was done, I gathered up the toenail clippings, carried them into Rob’s room, and dumped them on the carpet next to his bed.

Soon after that, my Mom brought something into his room, can’t remember what or why, and she noticed the pile of toenail clippings.

“ROBERT JAMES ANDERSON!” Yeah, the full name thing.

When confronted with the pile, Rob’s instant response was “Doug Did It!”

I said “Right. I was in my room, minding my own business, decided to cut my toenails, pick up the clippings, carry them into your room, and dump them on YOUR floor. What have you been smoking?”

He had no response. Cuz really, I mean, to push his accusation any further would be like admitting that you worry about the Black Helicopters.

That’s right. I’M the black helicopter in this scenario. Me.


9 Responses to “black helicopters”

  1. mark Says:

    When I was about 12, I trimmed my nails (fingers and toes) while sitting on my older sister’s bed. Just left ’em there.

    She came in and saw the trimmings and was horrified and disgusted and all that. Wanted to kill me and may have tried. (I should point out that this is the sister that when left in charge while my parents were gone attempted to cut one of my fingers off with a butcher knife.)

    Anyway, in an effort to placate the situation, I offered to let her sleep in my bed.

    She responded “I’d rather sleep on a bed of nails.”

    I responded “Well you already are.”

    She was laughing too hard to continue trying to kill me at that point.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    “Mr. Al Wasabi you have a choice: waterboarding or sharing a cell with dug.”

    “Waterboarding, please!”

    Is Rob learning of this treachery only now? If so, beware of flaming bags on your doorstep.

  3. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    LOL! Oh no. Dug is good, but even he couldn’t keep such a juicy, sweet story to himself for over 25 years.

    In fact, the ending of that story is that I was so confused that I wandered around in my room in a stupor for the next while trying to figure out how I could have forgotten that I left my own nail trimmings on my own floor. I didn’t REMEMBER doing it, it sure wasn’t like ME to do that, but hey, Dug’s logic was flawless.

    Meanwhile, Dug had gone upstairs to hang with mom and dad and talk about how silly it was for me to do that and how it just didn’t make sense to blame Dug. He then said, “the funny thing about all this? I actually did it.”

  4. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    and for the record? I’m VERY proud of the mowing of the strawberries.
    (Dug got it wrong about them being raspberries. How could you mow raspberries? They haven’t yet made a mower that could do that. I know, I’ve looked.)

  5. MOCougFan Says:

    This is why I come here every day. Flat out awesome stories.

  6. bikemike Says:

    when i was married, i would throw my clippings behind the sofa whilst i watched t.v. when we bought a new sofa, and the furniture guys came for delivery and moved the old one out from the wall…SURPRISE. my mother in law was there also and i’m fairly certain she either threw up or passed out. the wifey was not happy when i came home from work. oops.

    ah, the good ol’ days.

  7. forgingahead Says:

    Oh, so you’re one of *those* siblings…very creative.

  8. Big Boned Says:

    My dad was a police forensic scientist before that was cool. Had such an occurance taken place in our house, he would have started pulling off socks to see who had the newly shorn hooves…We never got away with ANYTHING!

  9. fremont mike Says:

    That was too funny!!! Thanks for the laugh.

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