no closure

February 26, 2009

A few weeks ago I rented The Cave for Ian to watch, cuz he likes scary movies, and The Cave is an underrated scary movie.

He really liked it, except he said it had a lame ending.

I’m not going to spoil the ending for you, except to say that he didn’t like the ending because it lacked closure. Teenagers LOVE closure. Myself, I have quite a penchant for open-ended, distinctly NON-closure type endings.

Like Limbo. Remember that one, in Alaska? Maybe the least closure-oriented ending ever. Maybe I’m exaggerating. But I love stuff like that.

When a movie like Limbo leaves you hanging at the end, that’s art. When a horror movie like The Cave leaves you hanging, that’s artifice. But it’s GOOD artifice. Because nobody at the end of a horror movie should leave the theater (or couch) anything but unsettled. Even Thriller ended with Michael looking at the screen with those glowing red eyes.

My fridge at work is like that.

Here we are getting everything out of it:

emptying the fridge

And me loading it up. No way I wasn’t gonna be a part of this:

on the dolly

It even left a slime trail, which I was unable to capture sufficiently on film.

The “take-your-fridge-away” guy met us at the back door:

out the door

I kept thinking this alarm would go off. I mean, shouldn’t it?

emergency exit

But here’s the scary, no-closure ending part:


That’s right–he’s going to RECONDITION it! This could be YOUR next fridge!

And . . . cue the screaming.


19 Responses to “no closure”

  1. KanyonKris Says:


    Is this the Jumanji fridge?

    No used fridges for me, that for sure!

  2. steveA Says:

    NO WAY I buy a used fridge EVER. Not with that monster lurking in some possible store. Just look for the permanent febreze bottle on the inside and the radioactive glow coming from the bottom. Now THAT’s a scary movie. Not only teens big guy, I love closure in a movie, book or story. I HATE open ended stuff. Except the rest of my life, I kinda like that one.

  3. mark Says:

    Funniest. Post. Ever.


  4. Annie Says:

    This is hilarious. And disgusting. I’ve thought about why you’ve posted so frequently about something so nasty, but I realized that if I regularly encountered something so gross, I’d want to go on and on about it, too. Do you feel a sense of loss yet?

  5. bikemike Says:

    do they sell used mattresses also…cause i’d go for that.

  6. andy Says:

    reconditioned? the only thing it needed was a bottle of lysol, a shamwow, and a pair of gloves! that dude is laughing all the way to the bank. lol.

  7. MOCougFan Says:

    I moved my family to Cleveland 12 years ago to go to dental school. We moved into a downtownish area named “Little Italy”. We thought it was a safe, decent area. We were wrong.

    At around midnight the night we got there the neighbor “Rocky” and his buddies decided to put the old fridge in the middle of the road in front of our house, load it up with a bunch of beer bottles, put in some sort of dynamite explosive, chain it together, and light a match.

    It blew up. Loudly. Glass was everywhere. I went across the street and asked Rocky to warn me if he was going to use any more dynamite so I could prepare myself. I thought I had closure.

    2 months later the Tribe won the pennant. Rocky hauled out his CANNON and fired off a few blanks to celebrate. After I changed my shorts I reminded him that he was going to let me know when he was going to blow something up. He apologized.

    Dug…. you would have loved that neighborhood. You would never lack for something to blog about.

  8. I feel like I need the Jaws music. You never know where that fridge is going to pop up. It’s just kind of lurking around somewhere waiting for it’s next victim.

  9. Jeff Says:

    Two years from now another blog will crop up that makes frequent reference to a nasty fridge in their cafeteria/breakroom/home/church. Then two years after that fridge is gone, someone will write a blog reminiscing about a fridge from twenty years ago and how it got nasty and they “refurbished” it and sent it off to Dug’s company…

  10. BurkeInTheOzarks Says:

    {pant pant breathe gasp}
    I’m done.

  11. KanyonKris Says:

    Several troubling thoughts occurred to me today:

    Please tell me items from the old fridge were not moved directly into the new fridge without SERIOUS decontamination. Perhaps the management has thought ahead here and the new fridge isn’t installed yet – giving time for the old fridge funk to die off (assuming it CAN die) so the new fridge won’t be infected.

    Your company didn’t buy the new fridge from the guy who just hauled away the old fridge? If so, I hope your wrote down the serial # because … it … may … be … coming … BACK!!!

  12. MOCougFan Says:

    Yikes KK. That was a very insiteful problem.

  13. MOCougFan Says:

    Apparently I can’t spell Insightful.

  14. dug Says:

    steve, closure is waay overrated.

    annie, i just write about what i know.

    andy, i really wish you worked here. we wouldn’t have ever been in this mess.

    mo, it’s a catch 22, isn’t it. like becoming jewish for the jokes.

    kris, no new fridge. i think the fridge experiment is over. we have proven ourselves unworthy.

  15. grizzly adam Says:

    Did the fridge boss see the inside of that thing before he bought it? If not, I’d imagine opening that up for the first time would be like waking up next to a severed horse head…

  16. KanyonKris Says:

    dug – Makes sense. Communal refrigerators are my case in point for why the United Order didn’t work, and why it’s so hard to pull off.

    I imagine you’ll be keeping a close eye on your min-fridge to guard it against the slide to communal.

    Hey people who work with dug: If you want to annoy him, slip an unmarked mystery item into his fridge.

  17. Steve Says:

    Dug-you cannot have too much closure! I do have an idea for you though. A pictoral expose of your co-workers mini-fridges!!!! I crack myself up. Maurice laugh for me, my mouth is tired.

  18. forgingahead Says:

    Add it to the list of things I WILL NOT buy reconditioned…just to avoid yours 🙂

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