the missiles of october

March 3, 2009

Remember in Footloose, when Ariel’s friend, Rusty (a very young Sarah Jessica Parker) enjoins her lurpy boyfriend, Willard (a very young Chris Penn, who was later so awesome in Reservoir Dogs) to refrain from fighting. It’s frustrating, but Willard is a devoted boyfriend, and does, in fact, refrain.

My boy Ian is like that. Or at least he was.

Ian is about 3 years older than Holden, which is quite a difference when you’re 10 and 7.  Which is not what Ian and Holden are NOW, but what they were about 4 years ago.

Kim and I went to grab something to eat, and Maddy was babysitting somewhere else, and we left Ian in charge of Holden for a couple of hours. That’s okay, right? I mean, he was 10. That’s old enough for a couple hours.

Please don’t report me.

So we go out for a bit, and soon, too soon, we get a call from Ian. He’s frantic, panicked even, and says, shouts “I’m trapped in my room! Holden has a frying pan and he’s trying to kill me!”

Remember, Ian was THREE years older than Holden, who was not a large child.

We had to put the phone down to stop from laughing. But we still had to defuse the situation, however comic.

“Slide the phone under the door, and tell Holden we want to talk to him.”


“Holden, put the frying pan down.”

“But Ian was being mean.”

“What was he doing?”

“He wouldn’t let me pick the show we were going to watch.”

“Okay. Put Ian back on.”

“Ian. I know it’s a little weird to tell you to give in to Holden. But we’ll be home soon, and I don’t want you to get hit with a frying pan. I’m very glad you didn’t take the frying pan away from Holden and cream him with it. Good one. Let him pick the show, and when we get home, YOU can pick the next TWO shows. Okay?”


“Okay, put Holden back on.”


“Holden. You can pick the show. But when we get home, Ian gets to pick the next TWO shows. Okay?”


“Okay, bye, love you.”

“Bye, love you.”

“Put Ian back on.”



“Ian, he says okay, you can pick the next TWO shows when we get back, if he can pick the next one now. Okay?”


“Okay, bye, love you.”

“Bye, love you.”

Okay, so it wasn’t the Missiles of October, but it felt big to us.

Get it? “US”? Ha.

9 Responses to “the missiles of october”

  1. zeph Says:

    your kids and sam’s kids have lots in common. ask him to tell you the story about will putting a beat down on sam.

  2. Jenny Says:

    sounds way too familiar

  3. Annie Says:

    This is hilarious. I hope I don’t have frying pans in my future with our little ones.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    You should be a hostage negotiator.

  5. bikemike Says:

    if you outlaw frying pans…only outlaws will have frying pans.

  6. forgingahead Says:

    You crack me up! This really happened? Kids.

  7. Rick S. Says:

    Did you know that Footloose was filmed in Utah…and…and….

  8. VH1 Says:

    Pretty much the same story at our house but will had a steak knife. Sam was 6 and Will was 4. Now I have them in Jujitsu so they can work out their aggression weapon-free.

  9. Grizzly Adam Says:

    This sounds like my wife and I. No, not with our kids, but with each other.

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