hold the forth

March 10, 2009

So I was at Harmons the other day, picking up some sundries, and I used the checkout line right in front of the GIANT BUNNIES. As the nice lady rang me up, I started blathering about the GIANT BUNNIES and how it must just be creepy to work the checkout line next to the GIANT BUNNIES and seriously, doesn’t that just creep you out, do you ever complain or ask to be moved to another line, and have you ever actually sold a GIANT BUNNY and if you did, did you want to call social services on those people?

And it hit me, pretty much mid sentence, that this was what Tocqueville meant.

What I mean is, last month, when I read (listened to) Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin, Ms Kearns talked about Lincoln on the stump, and how the stump in those days included taverns and hotel lobbies and such, and then she threw in how Tocqueville said that Americans don’t have parlors to talk in, and in fact, Americans don’t really discuss things anyway, but rather Americans “Hold Forth.” I realize I’m not exactly using primary sources here, but you get the gist, right?

And THEN it hit me that this is what Kim tells me that I do–that is, I don’t talk or discuss, but I HOLD FORTH. And for a second I felt a bit bad, a bit abashed, even mollified.

But in the very next breath, I ranted to the cashier about how in order for me to get $10 back on my purchase, I had to first hit “Other” because the only pre-programmed options started at $20, and isn’t $10 the most common amount people want back, doesn’t EVERYONE want $10 back so they can wander over and buy gelato with it?

So then she tells me that she can just ring me up for gelato RIGHT AT THE CHECKOUT. Which started me off HOLDING FORTH about how that’s the most significant news I’d heard all day, and how they should immediately take down their stupid Special Olympics banners, and instead put up huge banners that declare that you can pay for your gelato RIGHT AT THE CHECKOUT.

Wait, I’m doing it again. Damnit!

26 Responses to “hold the forth”

  1. bikemike Says:

    where forth art thou…stupid giant bunnies

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    At least your holding forth is usually entertaining and more reasonable than merely complaining.

  3. mark Says:

    Wait, you can pay for gelato at the checkout? As if I weren’t already fat enough.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    dug – was the new-found editing power too tempting?

  5. dug Says:

    kris, i wasn’t sure i had really found the power, and to test a new method, i tried it on you. and it worked. yay. of course, i didn’t really “edit” so much as i truncated.

  6. Rachel A Says:

    Did you notice the bunnies have extendable legs? That’s creepy. Paying for gelato at the checkout almost makes up for it.

    • dug Says:

      rachel, did you examine one up close, or are you getting that from the pictures?

      wait, don’t tell me, i don’t want to know any more about those bunnies. those GIANT BUNNIES!

  7. KanyonKris Says:

    Truncate, yes. Since I’d already spent the time to lookup “hold forth” it was easy to copy and paste the definitions. But not much of a value add since it’s easy to do. Still, I am interested in your personal definition of holding forth.

  8. VA Biker Says:

    Behold the goodness that is presented on dug’s blog. ‘Tis a much-appreciated thing.

  9. dug Says:

    kris, i don’t have one. i was just holding forth.

  10. KanyonKris Says:

    I’m OK with $20 as the minimum cash back. I’m going to spend it sooner or later. And I’ve never been mugged in Utah so now downside to carrying a bit more cash.

    dug, if it really bothers you, get 2 tens and stuff the other one in your shirt / jacket pocket so you get the joy of finding it later – maybe as soon as later that day!

  11. tohellandback1st Says:

    i love cash back at the grocery store; no atm fees. i don’t think i’ve ever asked for as little as $10, higher east coast mugging rates notwithstanding; but i like the option of asking for $70 instead of $60 or $80.

    in virginia we allow carrying concealed weapons so holding forth is a little riskier.

    i wonder if other nationalities/clans are really better at ‘discussing’ then Americans/Andersons…?

  12. Lin Says:

    I’m wondering at the cashier’s reaction. When I’m in a checkout line, I usually don’t see people being so verbal. Were you entertaining her as you held forth, or was she really just trying to hurry and finish so you could go forth somewhere else?

    • dug Says:

      lin, the cashier said pretty much nothing for a while, then she said “well, i’m short, and that other display kind of blocks them from me, so i can’t see them anyway.”

      but mostly i did all the talking. you know, in a “holding forth” kind of way. that’s kind of the idea behind holding forth–it’s not really two way communication.

  13. Jeff Says:

    Why would you only get $10? What if you decide tomorrow that you want another gelato? Then you have to go to the ATM…

    • dug Says:

      jeff, i’m generally not good about having cash in my pocket, because, you know, i spend it. if i don’t have it, i don’t spend it.

      so it’s like this–when i thought i had to get money back from the cashier, i would get the least amount i could, since the gelato costs me about $3. but that leaves me with about $7 to spend willy nilly. which i would.

      but if i can just buy it at the checkout, there is NO atm fee (cuz NO atm), AND i spend the exact amount. no spare cash burning a hole in my pocket.

      i’m not worried about being mugged. well, unless you count me spending the money willy nilly being mugged. which kim probably does.

  14. bikemike Says:

    i plead the fifth and so forth…

  15. Jenny Says:

    What is gelato?

    • dug Says:

      jenny, really? c’mon, you’re just trying to provoke me, admit it.

      • Jenny-Jenny Says:

        This is my official apology…just read your ode to harmons post by direction from my man. Please please forgive my ignorance. Taking a trip to Utah next week…will definately be trying gelato at my moms local harmons

  16. SteveA Says:

    Dug, right there with you. If it’s in my pocket it will get spent pretty much on non-needed things. Or the kids ask if I have any money for their lunch or school trip as I drop them off. I will have to threaten them with a giant bunny from Harmon’s, that high priced haven of excess, if they ask me again. So, what IS Gelato? I heard it was made from the stuff they scrape off the inside of wine barrels.

  17. dug Says:

    steve, jenny, i will NOT be drawn into this. Will. Not.

  18. SteveA Says:

    Dug,Come to the Dark Side!!! Veggamite flavored Gelato!! ummmm.


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