i will always have candy
March 19, 2009
On pretty much any given day, at any given time, if you search my pockets, you’ll find something edible. And not icky edible.
Like, if I ever get busted for something, or hauled in, or whatever, and they say to me, in that menacing growl, “Empty your pockets, punk!” the grizzled cop will probably end up eating whatever I put on the table.
I go to church most Sundays and church can last a long time. I’m not so good with that length without some kind of edible. So Saturday nights, as Kim and I are returning from wherever we’ve been, I make a point of stopping by the Harmons for stuff to put in my pockets, and some Diet Coke to stash in the car.
Usually the candy is Twizzlers. Or Twizzler Pull N Peels. Or Nibs. Licorice is a good pocket candy because it’s good fresh and stale, and won’t melt and make a mess.
For Sundays though, I often carry a bag to church, so I’ve got more options. Lately, it’s been Milk Duds. Milk Duds are like the caviar version of Sugar Babies, which exist only to give a contrast to Milk Duds, and to feed to gerbils. If you’re mad at the gerbils. I’m also pretty partial to those mini Charleston Chews. I can eat a whole box in one church service.
In the hallway at church, little kids seek me out and start going through my pockets and my bag. Which I think is a little disconcerting for new people. Can’t blame them. Can’t blame their kids either though.
You know how your crazy aunt always had gum? Well, I promise my kids and my grandkids (and my nieces and nephews, and the kids in the hall): I will always have candy. Even for you kids with crazy parents that never let you have candy. Maybe especially you.