csi, pleasant grove
March 30, 2009
Remember in the movie “Crash” when the carjackers take the tainted Lincoln Navigator to the chop shop?
It goes like this:
Lucien: You watch the Discovery Channel?
Anthony: Not a lot.
Peter: They got some good shit on that channel.
Lucien: Every night there is a show with somebody shining a little blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. The next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually WATCHING the Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him. And he still can’t figure out how on earth they could’ve caught him!
Lucien: Psst. Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?
That exact thing happened to me once. Sort of.
Kim went out of town, to Paris I think, and me n the boys got together for a movie night. One of the movies was Striptease. You know, the Carl Hiaason novel that was totally ruined by Demi Moore, because she couldn’t stand the idea that in a Carl Hiaason story, EVERYBODY is satirical, including the single mother stripper she was playing? Except I hadn’t read the book yet and didn’t know that at the time. Plus, for a guy movie night, Striptease seemed like a nice fit, sandwiched in between Happy Gilmore and Fargo.
Anyway, I knew Kim wouldn’t be very happy about me renting and watching Striptease, especially since I had done that very married male thing of protesting how stupid the movie looked when we saw commercials for it. Chirp.
So why am I out here on the Internets, advertising my transgression?
Too late. She found out. Because when I astutely returned the movies that I had rented from Blockbuster to my neighborhood HOLLYWOOD, Blockbuster sent me (that is, our HOUSE) a notice a few weeks later wondering what I had done with their copy of Striptease.
You don’t have to be a genius to be a man. All it takes is . . . well, you know.