May 13, 2009
Today I would like to talk about Bo Derek’s breasts. Eventually.
I saw them when I was about 14 years old because my Dad
- didn’t want to wait in the theater lobby for 2 hours
- wanted to teach me how to appreciate good movies by showing me bad ones
- mostly didn’t want to wait in the theater lobby for 2 hours
My Dad took my older brother Steve and me to see Raiders of the Lost Ark, but the only theater showing it was a good 30 minute drive from our house. In those days we didn’t have the handy dandy world wide webs to check showtimes or to reserve seats (the greatest innovation in movie going since the invention of the talkies), and we arrived for the movie only to discover that the showing we wanted was sold out.
Instead of just chucking the plan and going home, we bought tickets for the next showing two hours later, and sat down in the lobby to wait.
That lasted like five minutes before we started driving my Dad crazy, so he said “Hey, let’s see what else is playing RIGHT NOW, so I don’t have to sit here between you two monkeys.”
Speaking of monkeys, the only movie available was Tarzan the Ape Man, starring Bo Derek’s breasts.
My Dad considered the alternatives for about ten seconds, and bought three tickets.
After about an hour and a half of watching Bo Derek’s breasts chase Tarzan through the jungle, we headed into the other theater to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. “So,” said my Dad. “What did you think?” I don’t know what was going on in his head really, since in retrospect, he was clearly hoping I would say the movie was stupid, maybe the cinematography was decent, how about that Richard Harris, and what the hell was up with that vacuous blond woman?
Instead my 14 year old mouth said “Um. Awesome?” I think my response took ten years off his life.