i can’t take the pressure

May 18, 2009

I’ve been slow to catch onto the newest movie rental wave. Mostly because I’m a retarded movie renter.

Kim and I will rent 3 movies, watch 1 of them, and let them all sit on the counter for a month. Bam! A gazillion dollar late fee. We might as well just buy the movies. We had Netflix for a while, but the same thing would happen, except for the late fees. We’d have the best queue, carefully mixing mystery, drama, comedy, noir, all the good stuff, and a new pair of movies would arrive, and whoops, we’d get distracted by something shiny and the movies would sit on the counter for a month. We would send more movies back unwatched than watched.

So now we have Redbox. A kiosk on every corner, you can return them anywhere in the universe, a buck a day, how cool is that?

Very cool, unless you’re a retard like me. With Redbox, it’s not just that the movies sit on my counter for a month.

No, with Redbox, it’s the pressure. I feel like I’m on the free throw line,  no time on the clock, team down by one. With five or six crazy fans behind me. Except they’re not cheering for me, they’re looking at their watches, sighing heavily, and tapping their toes.

12 screens. That’s how many screens of movies you have to page through to see all the movies available in the big red box. You can’t just choose a movie at home, then go rent it from Redbox, cuz you never know what they’ll have in the box. Plus, if you’re not registered, you have to put in your email address. Correctly. You have to swipe your credit card. You have make DECISIONS! Right there, with people waiting. Sometimes they start shouting. “Dude! Just get ANYTHING!”

It’s too much for me. This is how we ended up with The Notebook.

All those movies on the counter, and THIS is the one we end up actually watching?

25 Responses to “i can’t take the pressure”

  1. Grizzly Adam Says:

    You sound like a good candidate for PPV movies. Order right from your couch!

  2. Jenny-Jenny Says:

    Read Carefully: Register yourself (and your email address, and your debit card) onto Redbox.com . Then you can look through the 12 pages of movies at home in between reading blogs and reserve whatever movie you want. Take as long as you like, it’s only your kids waiting to look at face book waiting in line behind you. Then when you go to Redbox all you have to do is slide your card and out comes your chosen movie. Now the people behind you will say, “Dude, how’d you do that so fast?”

  3. mark Says:

    Wow. The notebook, huh? One reviewer said “this is such a gentle movie.” Yeah, that’s what I look for, too.

    Did you get it from the redbox that was all haywire and none of the screens worked right? Because if you did, and it was an accident that you got it to begin with, that would be OK.

    By the way, you don’t HAVE to enter your email address. Just click the button that says “no thanks.”

  4. Mike J Says:

    Just get an account and reserve them online like Jenny-Jenny says. It’s so easy they could train monkeys to do it.

  5. stevenbpt Says:

    What the @#$%#@#$!!! The notebook? That was on my queue of what to have a good excuse for if the wife ever wanted to watch it! You may want to go back up and re-read Jenny’s helpful suggestions. Seriously, now! Or, TIVO or DVR your favorite TV shows, watch when you feel like it with popcorn and beverage and you can forget the renting. I guess that doesn’t stimulate the economy much though.

  6. bikemike Says:

    fairly certain pussiness would’ve covered it all…i’m just sayin’

  7. chtrich Says:

    Cool, it’s berate Dug day.

  8. KanyonKris Says:

    I was thinking of trying Redbox – you talked me out of it.

  9. Bob B Says:

    I don’t own a television. I use the time instead to work on art or to promote hipness.

  10. mary Says:

    Every teenage girl and woman I know LOVES The Notebook. After watching a movie like that you are practically guaranteed to score with your wife. Unless you’re a total retard and make snarky comments before, during and after the movie. You wouldn’t do that, would you, Dug?

  11. KanyonKris Says:

    Because of this post I checked the movies listed at Redbox.com and thought “meh”, just like the last 2 times I thought “hey, I should check out Redbox”.

    But this time I spotted a winner, a real hidden gem, yep Tarzan Ape Man.

  12. Jeff Says:

    I have a friend who used Redbox and the move he got had a note on the outside of it: “Disc is scratched.”

  13. Brandon S. Says:

    As long as you received some post “chick flick” benefits, it shouldn’t matter right?

  14. Rob Says:

    My wife and I joined netflix and our first movie sat on the top of our tv for 3 months. 3 months at $10/month – yea, $30 sounds about right for a rental.

    James Garner as “Duke” and
    Sam Shepherd as “James Calhoun”

    Did it have a bully named “Butch” in it?

    or a cop named “Cochese…”

  15. Jdub Says:

    Then the clock starts ticking again when the box ejects the movie. Don’t know when the last time I watched a movie within a day of renting it was until the Redbox – due back by 9 pm the next day? Why not midnight? Who finishes the rental movie by 9:00 pm? The previous rental joints have conditioned me to take a few days to watch it by their allowing it. I usually end up paying an extra buck or two – haven’t bought one yet though…

  16. Lin Says:

    Hey, I’m a woman, and I’d rather have my eyes poked out rather than sit through the notebook EVER again. I’d much rather watch a comedy or action movie over a “chick flick” any day of the week. And aside from the times when I keep a movie because I’m just too lazy to take it out of the dvd player and put it in the mail, I like Netflix much better than rental stores or Redbox. I can’t seem to get movies back to the store or the Redbox kiosk in a day’s time.


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