no more plaid

May 21, 2009

I would like to point out that you all have been very, very bad friends.

Good friends don’t let friends walk around with their asses looking like inflatable balloon animals. Like Macy’s Day Parade floats. Like gigantic muffin tops. That’s right, baby got back.

I’m going to have to re-think the whole “Costco Plaid Shorts” thing when I ride my mountain bike.

Of course, I guess plain old skin tight lycra might reveal the reason you DID let me wear the plaid–My ass IS as big as all outdoors.

Nah.

18 Responses to “no more plaid”

  1. Rick S Says:

    Dug- you look fine but if you really are trying to lose any extra lbs, I know an “easy” way to get it done. Meet me for lunch. I know a great spot.

  2. Jen Says:

    You’ve never been the type to be too concerned about what others think of you … would you have listened if you were told to lose the plaid? Probably not!

    • dug Says:

      jen, if you told me plaid was stupid, i would say your face was stupid. if you told me plaid wasn’t fashionable, i’d buy 3 more pair.

      but if you told me the shorts made my ASS look big? i’d put them down the garbage disposal.

  3. KanyonKris Says:

    Your last point is the kicker – if the signature plaid shorts aren’t working, what will?

    Isn’t plaid a form a dazzle camouflage which should be slimming?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dazzle_camouflage

    Dude, your butt is not big “as all outdoors”. Your perception is skewed from all the skinny-assed cyclists. And what you see in the video is barrel distortion caused by the wide-angle (fisheye) lens.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barrel_distortion

    See, Wikipedia says so.

    Your butt is not big. You’re a good person and you look good too. Everyone loves you.

    (BTW, your subscription with You’re OK Affirmation Services is about to expire. You’ve exceeded the affirmations of the Gold package so you’ll need to bump up to Platinum at $599 per year. You’re such a smart person, you realize the value and happiness this brings to your life so I’m sure this won’t be a problem.)

    • Kt Says:

      KK, I was eating popcorn (snacky time!) and laughed at the same time– cough hack! Too funny!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Dug: don’t you dare lose those shorts. I like your sense of individualism, don’t follow the herd! Be your own person!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Besides, everyone knows plaid looks good. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s the all-weather pattern.

  4. Grizzly Adam Says:

    I used to have a pair of plaid shorts I would wear. Not while riding, but just as normal shorts. And then I saw a photo of me in them.

    I have not touched them since.

  5. stevenbpt Says:

    You have to have a butt to make it look big!! The plaid shorts just make it look like you actually have a butt. If you must give up the plaid, which suits you, please go to khaki or green or some solid color but by no means should you resort to the lycra, they would fall off, since you actually have to have a butt to keep them up. The opposite seems to be true as well though, they always seem to be in danger of coming down on those who choose to wear them with a butt too big.

  6. mark Says:

    Like you’re going to get any sympathy inviting ME to your “I have a huge ass” pity party.

  7. LT Says:

    I’m Kosmo Kramer, the ASSMAN!

  8. bikemike Says:

    dude, you’re a middle-aged white guy…unless you weigh 300lbs. you ain’t got no ass. plaid just gives you one of them popcicle delusions.

  9. forgingahead Says:

    Don’t be so hard on yourself.


  10. […] flashback of my recent descent down Jacob’s on Tuesday.ย  In this picture you can see the plaid clad butt of a suddenly self-conscious Dug exiting screen […]


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