July 1, 2009

This is pleasant:

across from courthouse

But what’s across the street from this?

Cue the scene-changing music from Law and Order:


That’s right, it’s the Federal District Court. So, your first question is probably “Hey, do you know Stanley Tucci?”

Well, no,  no I don’t. And I have a question too. I know you call someone who has committed a felony a felon, but what do you call someone who commits a misdemeanor? A misdemean?

I must confess, I am a misdemean.

Wait, if you plead no contest, does that make you a CONVICTED misdemean, or just a misdemean? I need to watch more Law and Order.

Today the justice system worked as designed. That is, it spent thousands and thousands of dollars in FBI research money, investigation, travel, court costs, prosecutor costs, my very jovial and incredulous public defender’s costs, all in order to extract justice and collect $180. Total. For all three of us.

Let this be a lesson to you. Don’t Misdemean. Ever.

On Rawrod in April, Elden and I picked up a large rock together and threw it off of Vertigo Void, a horseshoe shaped cliff a 5 hour ride or 3 day hike (or a 300 foot rappel) from anywhere. Brandon videoed the event. The Park Service was not amused.

However, the couple of bailiffs and spectators in the Federal Court room WERE amused. The guy behind us cracked “Is it also against the law to skip rocks?” The prosecutor, keeping a straight face, called our egregious act Outrageous.

During the investigative phase, when the Park Service guy was calling us to get statements and such, Elden thought calling me his best friend would somehow help his case. In my conversation with Eric the Park Service guy, I went the other way, and said that I knew Elden “Pretty well,” and even got vague on whether I  knew Brandon at all.

Brandon’s tack was to say “Hey, I didn’t do anything! I don’t even know these guys! Can’t I just pay a fine and be on my way?” But, turns out he was the equivalent of our getaway car. Except the opposite, in this case.

To all you kids out there, let me be clear, Don’t Throw Rocks Off of Cliffs. And never never never video it.

Don’t end up a misdemean like me. Get  your eagle instead.

39 Responses to “misdemean”

  1. chtrich Says:

    Same place next year?

  2. Rick S Says:

    What…no video? The Clash would have made an excellent sound track “I fought the law and,the law won…..”

    You guys look very sharp all dolled up like that. I wish I could have been there to listen.

    I’m mailing you my $5 to help cover the costs.

    • dug Says:

      rick, the courthouse had signs all over saying “no cell phones or cameras.” they even had a metal detector to enforce it.

      and then we saw every employee in the place talking on a cell phone. so many good pictures missed.

  3. LT Says:

    Did you at least eat lunch at the Boston Deli?

  4. Jonnie Says:

    My mother warned me about people like you.

  5. ricky Says:

    you’re lucky i wasn’t the judge. in addition to the fine, i would have ordered you to eat lunch at the boston deli.

  6. fish Says:

    Is your rambunctiousness and misdemeanoring behind you?

  7. mark Says:

    I’ll up the ante on rick and throw down $10. This has been WAY better than a movie in terms of entertainment value.

    And you thought you were running out of material…

  8. Aaron Says:

    You guys look like hardened criminals. Where did your parents go wrong? As a taxpayer, I’m glad to see that that my hard-earned taxes go toward bringing down misdemeans like you. I’ll bet “they” (and by they I mean you and me, the taxpayers) paid over 2-3 grand to prosecute you, so it was clearly well worth the effort.

    Joe the prosecutor/forest service guy – are you out there? If so, thanks for at least trying to justify your existence, even if it meant being on the receiving end of a few jokes in the courtroom. Glad that worked out for you.

    By the way, I probably owe the three of you lunch…

  9. fish Says:

    BTW Mark, Aaron rides with those guys regularly AND he’s an attorney. I’m just saying.

    • Aaron Says:

      I volunteered my services, but the accused wisely turned me down. Let’s just say that I wouldn’t have had much credibility with the court in this particular case. Not to mention the fact that I’ve never been inside of a courtroom (as an attorney).

  10. Blackdog Says:

    In the coral at the top of Clarks. I will leave $10 under the Left hand log in the opening for the trail to be named later. Too funny. I always thought Stanley Tucci was taller?

  11. Jdub Says:

    No way – what a joke!

  12. stevenbpt Says:

    You could have told us your court date. I would have taken my lunch hour plus to be there and watch my tax dollars at work. Lives were saved today stopping misdemeans like you throwing rocks off remote cliffs.

  13. bikemike Says:

    rock throwin’ vermin

  14. brkeyes7 Says:

    You bastard! You were supposed to let me know the day and time. Now I have to return my jester costume unused.

  15. Jen Says:

    Is this what it takes these days to get you to wear a suit?

  16. KP Says:

    You should have went with “mechanical weathering.” Then it isn’t throwing rocks off of cliffs, of course that is illegal, what you were doing was research.

  17. KanyonKris Says:

    Forget the 4th of July, I’m celebrating the 1st of July when the court, our mighty instrument of justice, vanquished a despicable evil. We will not tolerate the rock throwing perversion here!

    Well, glad it’s over.

    I see the mentioned asymmetry in the friendship – Elden has his hand on dug’s shoulder in a warm gesture of brotherhood and solidarity, but dug’s hands are firmly planted in his pockets.

  18. Big Boned Says:

    Why did you change your tie?

  19. eric Says:

    Dug. How can you manage to look frumpy in a nice suit? I mean, the other guys look all nice and crisp while you somehow manage to look like you just rolled out of the sleeper bunk.

    Can you teach me how to do that?

  20. forgingahead Says:

    Such excitement and goings on! Glad they didn’t give you time.

  21. tonks Says:

    Did Kim go? Just curious.

  22. […] time, I went because Dug and I had thrown a rock off Vertigo Void during last RAWROD (and Brandon had captured the moment on […]

  23. Flyin' Ute Says:

    Lucky Cyclist warned you two years ago to stop destroying rocks.

    It takes a long time to make rocks.

    Rocks shouldn’t be wasted.

    I’ll chip in 1 penny per pound of rock chucked for the largest rock you rock chuckers chucked.

  24. bikemike Says:

    also, out of complete ignorance, i had no idea what “misdemean” was until i read thru. what an idiot am i.

  25. Bandit Says:

    Its been my experience that punishments (as well as rewards) usually are relative to more than the single act to which they are tied. I am sure you hooligans have got away with misdemeaning activities in the past.

    What a funny event. I am sure your kids will have a field day with this one.

  26. MS Turtle Mafia Says:

    It was the scene changing music to Law and Order, it was the theme to Cops playing. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, what’cha gonna doooo……..

  27. Simon Says:

    I was in federal court yesterday too! Not as an accussed, of course. I wish I had known. I would have been there for you.

    To answer your question, “criminals” is the catch-all, umbrella term. The word for people like you is “miscreant.”

    What I take from this little episode is this: I am more shocked that you were wearing a suit and tie! You clean up well.

    Next time if an authority (cop, ranger, etc.) wants to talk to you, all you need to say is 5 lovely words: Not Without My Lawyer Present. Trust me, it works.

  28. Tim D Says:

    Is it just illegal to throw rocks, or anything. Here’s an experiment for you, try throwing different things off the Void and see what fines you get. If its $180 for rocks, how much for a frozen chicken? Or a horse? Or a ping pong ball?

  29. […] time, I went because Dug and I had thrown a rock off Vertigo Void during last RAWROD (and Brandon had captured the moment on […]

  30. BotchedExperiment Says:

    dug, i’m very disappointed in your behavior. I expected more from a good boy like you.

  31. […] at the point of the mountain with the all the other criminals!” Incidentally, both Fatty and Dug live rather close to the point of the mountain, which may go a long way in explaining their […]

  32. lehuhudi Says:

    That’s so true u know taking things for granted is what course someone to be in a serious serious matters that can’t be resolved so easily.

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