July 1, 2009
This is pleasant:
But what’s across the street from this?
Cue the scene-changing music from Law and Order:
That’s right, it’s the Federal District Court. So, your first question is probably “Hey, do you know Stanley Tucci?”
Well, no, no I don’t. And I have a question too. I know you call someone who has committed a felony a felon, but what do you call someone who commits a misdemeanor? A misdemean?
I must confess, I am a misdemean.
Wait, if you plead no contest, does that make you a CONVICTED misdemean, or just a misdemean? I need to watch more Law and Order.
Today the justice system worked as designed. That is, it spent thousands and thousands of dollars in FBI research money, investigation, travel, court costs, prosecutor costs, my very jovial and incredulous public defender’s costs, all in order to extract justice and collect $180. Total. For all three of us.
Let this be a lesson to you. Don’t Misdemean. Ever.
On Rawrod in April, Elden and I picked up a large rock together and threw it off of Vertigo Void, a horseshoe shaped cliff a 5 hour ride or 3 day hike (or a 300 foot rappel) from anywhere. Brandon videoed the event. The Park Service was not amused.
However, the couple of bailiffs and spectators in the Federal Court room WERE amused. The guy behind us cracked “Is it also against the law to skip rocks?” The prosecutor, keeping a straight face, called our egregious act Outrageous.
During the investigative phase, when the Park Service guy was calling us to get statements and such, Elden thought calling me his best friend would somehow help his case. In my conversation with Eric the Park Service guy, I went the other way, and said that I knew Elden “Pretty well,” and even got vague on whether I knew Brandon at all.
Brandon’s tack was to say “Hey, I didn’t do anything! I don’t even know these guys! Can’t I just pay a fine and be on my way?” But, turns out he was the equivalent of our getaway car. Except the opposite, in this case.
To all you kids out there, let me be clear, Don’t Throw Rocks Off of Cliffs. And never never never video it.
Don’t end up a misdemean like me. Get your eagle instead.