smack!

August 3, 2009

I’ve been told that putting a camera on a tripod at any recreation area boat dock is the surest way to win the big prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos. I didn’t have a camera when Kim and I took the kids to Deer Creek Saturday, but I did have a moment I wish, sort of, had been captured on film.

I’ve never seen Deer Creek so crowded, and we were lucky to get a jump on the line for the ramp. After backing the trailer down, Kim was in the Landcruiser, and I was on the boat getting ready to unhook and drive the boat off the trailer into the lake. We were pretty much wall to wall trailers, with very little room between boats/trailers.

That didn’t deter some inbred fisherman from skipping the line and backing his little fishing boat trailer down at warp speed. He tried to squeeze right between me and the boat to my left. But he backed in in such a way that if I then tried to back off our trailer, I would have run smack into his trailer.

I was laying over the front of our boat, unhooking the trailer strap from the ring under the bow, when he backed to within an inch of our portside stern (yup, I know the difference between port and starboard). I looked up to yell at this one eyed pirate. Unfortunately, I had already released the crank lock to loosen the strap. As I yelled at the genius backing down his little green trailer, the boat slipped backward a few inches. Which exerted more than a little force on the newly freed crank. Which spun like an altimeter dial in a crashing airplane.

Right into my forehead.

I collapsed onto the bow, almost falling over the side into the water, a little trickle of blood briefly obscuring my vision.

Captain dickhead heard me swearing at him, and got back in his truck and pulled forward a bit. I smacked myself on the side of the head to clear my brain, and staggered back to the captain’s chair and wobbily backed the boat off.

The good news? None of my kids or their friends heard me up front swearing like a, well, a sailor. Or, if they did, they figured this was just how launching a boat was done. The bad news? Nobody else saw or heard a thing, and just assumed the giant bleeding lump on my forehead was par for the course for me.

Two days later, it’s starting to fade:

foreheadlump

And yes, I look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I was almost as angry.

6 Responses to “smack!”

  1. mark Says:

    Video would have been nice. Even audio would do.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    Angry dug scares me a little.

    I was on Timp Saturday and my friend looked east and commented on the crowd of boats on Deer Creek. Evidently you were one of the white dots on the water we saw. For what it’s worth the trail head parking lot was jammed so it seems it was a big recreation day.

  3. bikemike Says:

    we’re staying at a KOA campground outside of asheville, n.c. and i’m pretty sure mr. bright boat guy has a bunch of his relatives camping near us this week.

    on a lighter note, i think your picture reminds me of the big head dude that came to life from one of the paintings in the second ghostbuster movie. just an observation.

  4. ricky Says:

    You and I have joked about this very thing. You put a camera on a tripod at any boat ramp and you’ll get funny footage. The thing is, Captain dickhead does this ALL the time at every ramp, which causes anxiety for everyone except him. I feel for you. And I wish you had a camera rolling. It would have been youtube gold.

  5. evilbanks Says:

    Damn man, that looks PAINFUL. Reminds me of the time I cut my head on Rick’s outside light when I was trying to shortcut the steps.

  6. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    Boating, eh? Saturday, eh? (grin)


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