tooms is back

August 27, 2009

I used to be a big X Files fan. Especially in the early days, when it aired on Friday nights, since Kim and I had very young kids, and we respected the “don’t bring babies to the movie theater” rule that other people violate without thinking (natch). I once shared a movie theater with a large Mexican family, including their twin toddlers and a newborn. Me, two friends, and them. For The Passion of the Christ, a real family film if there ever was one.

Where was I? Oh yeah, X Files. One of my favorite story arcs was the bendy guy, Eugene Tooms, who could climb through duct systems and vents, and make his fingers long and narrow, so he could undo the screws on the vent covers. He’d sneak into your house through the vents while you slept and eat your liver.

Now, I know, the vent cover probably just fell off, and since the maintenance guy only comes on odd numbered months, we won’t get it fixed for a while, but I can’t help but think my liver is in danger.

bathroom hole far

In the X Files, Mulder sent the air duct liver killer up the river.

And years later, when Tooms was up for parole, Mulder went to the hearing and presented the case for keeping him in jail. Of course, nobody believed him, and the Tooms was freed.

Let’s take a closer look:

bathroom hole close

I don’t think I can use the bathroom anymore. I see Eugene Tooms in my sleep now.


13 Responses to “tooms is back”

  1. MOCougFan Says:


    Did I scare you?

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    X Files is the best documentary series ever.

    Your fear is warranted – you only have one liver (if Tooms just ate one kidney you wouldn’t need to be so concerned).

  3. bikemike Says:

    yeah, but, he never came back for Mulder and his liver. i know this because i just watched the newest movie and Mulder is still alive. after watching the movie,though,i think Tooms figured Fox was suffering enough.
    point is, i think your liver’s safe.

    i still have my X-Files game for the original Playstation…never did figure out how to play it.

    sure do miss the format from the first few seasons.

  4. randomhigh Says:

    problem solved… just don’t fall asleep at work… you know, if posssible…

  5. JB Says:

    I can’t believe all the random stuff you just remember. I would love to be like Mel Gibson in What Women Want and just hear all the thoughts that go through your head!

  6. Zoonhollis Says:

    I was not a fan of X-Files, but I must ask: If this bendy man was in prison, how was he not able to slither his way out?

    • dug Says:

      i dunno. glass enclosed snake cage? really tall, with airholes in the top?

      but let me get this straight–you were not a fan because you thought the xfiles sucked, or because it was before your time?

      and if you thought it sucked, do you mean even the first 2-3 seasons, when it was in its prime, or do you mean the jumped the shark later years and movies?

      not that i would take your answer personally or anything.

      • Zoonhollis Says:

        I think my “was not a fan” comment may have been taken the wrong way, and I can see how. Poor word choices on my part. I simply meant that I never occasioned to watch the show, most likely due to indifference about TV shows in general.

  7. Steve Says:

    I don’t think I can use the bathroom anymore.

    With or without Tooms, it would appear that you can’t use the facility anymore because the vent fan is unplugged, gone. Or at least the next person after you can’t use it.

  8. Those episodes scared the heck out me!

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