onion goggles

August 31, 2009

About a month ago, I walked into my mom’s house for a birthday BBQ, and almost ran out again because my older brother was in the kitchen cutting up the onions. Wearing swim goggles. I was so startled, I failed to get a picture.

He claims he’s been wearing goggles while slicing onions since college. I claim he’s a weirdo.

On the other hand, we had Maddy’s 16th birthday BBQ Saturday night. In honor of having a bunch of high school teenagers at the house, I figured that was a good time to try out the onion goggles, since cutting onions makes me cry more than watching Beaches or Terms of Endearment. Or the goodbye scene in Armageddon.

You’ve heard of beer goggles? I present . . . Onion Goggles:

onion goggles

As my present to Maddy (well, in addition to the car), I took the goggles off before her friends showed up.

But I’ve got them in my pocket (figuratively) if I need them.


31 Responses to “onion goggles”

  1. KanyonKris Says:

    You look like a super hero caught changing from mild-mannered alter-ego.

    Captain Onion, to the rescue!

    (No capes!)

  2. Rachel Says:


    I prefer to cut onions wearing my contacts, as the barrier is effective, which I am reminded of when I’m just wearing my glasses.

    I’ll keep some of these in a kitchen drawer for Mark.

    • KanyonKris Says:

      My wife WANTS to see me cry. Why is that? I’m sensitive (for a guy) – do I have to cry to prove it? If she rents Beaches I’ll blame dug.

    • mark Says:

      Thanks, Rachel. I am so trying this after crying from all of one onion yesterday.

      In high school I worked at a pizza place and would cut up dozens of onions every Saturday morning. I never got used to it, but I was less sensitive than I am now.

  3. Gary Says:

    So, inquiring minds want to know. Do onion goggles really work?

    • dug Says:

      gary, i’m embarrassed to say, they worked perfectly. except for the red rings they left around my eyes.

      i’m a prolific onion crier. huge onion crier.

      so i’m going to start a lengthy experiment. over the next few weeks/months, i’m going to alternate wearing and not wearing onion goggles, and document the results. i’m going to try different types of goggles for effectiveness, from basic swim goggles, to snorkeling face mask, to welding goggles.

      prepare to be amazed.

  4. Brandon S. Says:

    I expect to see those on the next night ride.

  5. Rose Says:

    Those go great with your plaid shorts!

  6. bikemike Says:

    ***NEWS FLASH***
    Princess Bride was released 22 years ago.
    nothing to do with onions, just thought ya’ll might want to know.

    thank you for your time.

  7. stevenbpt Says:

    We were made to embarrass our kids. Why would you pass up a perfect opportunity? How about a shot of the new vehicle?

  8. Zoonhollis Says:

    Please tell me you’re not serious about the goodbye scene in Armageddon, one of the worst wastes of celluloid imaginable.

    Also, I have the same exact t-shirt. NATION!

  9. VaLene Says:

    I just made a punch-bowl-sized batch of salsa, and I should have tried it. My eyes cried, my nose ran, and my fingers spread the burn from the peppers. Not a good combination. I wonder if ski goggles would be as effective (certainly more comfortable.)

    • KanyonKris Says:

      Cutting an onion releases irritants into the air that then get into your eye. The more you seal off your eyes from the air the better so many types of eye wear will work.

  10. Liz Says:

    You look so pretty.

  11. VA Biker Says:

    I am totally going to do this. Thanks for the tip. I’ve got the standard “wood shop/chemistry class” googles that fit over my prescription glasses. Yep, dork. Who cares, if I can stop the tearing? Pragmatism trumps style in this case (but swim googles are WAY more stylish than the ones I’ve got!). Thanks!

  12. MQ Says:

    So….. What kinda car did she get?

  13. VH1 Says:

    Sam’s dad has always worn goggles while cutting onions and peppers too…except he wears ski goggles from 1975. It’s comedy.

  14. B Says:

    I’ve been doing this for a while, with laughs from my hubby and friends. I’m quite an onion crier too (and a swimmer) and I even have a separate pair of “onion goggles” that I no longer swim with.

  15. Tony Says:

    I have so rarely ever submitted a comment, anywhere, that I am a bit nervous about starting here. But…

    I used to use my goggles when cutting onions. Until some guests showed up a bit early. I was fine with it because I was not tearing up while everyone else in the kitchen was (why does everyone stay in the kitchen?).

    That Christmas, I received the actual onion goggles. Sort of like sunglasses, but with a foam gasket. Search for onion goggles and you should find plenty of places to find them.

    And yes, they work. With no red rings around your eyes.

  16. Atlanta Says:

    You know… all you need to do is drape a tea towel over your shoulder and hey presto: no more tears! Trust me, it works!

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