waiting room

September 10, 2009

I’ve spent my share of time in waiting rooms. Enough to really enjoy Fugazi’s Waiting Room. I love that song.

But waiting rooms aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. I mean, if I was the type of guy to have a waiting room, like, you know, if you guys had to wait in a waiting room to read this blog, for example, I would totally stock it. Diet Coke. All kinds of Reeses stuff. The latest Powder magazine. iTouches tethered to little locks so you could play games.

Just typing all that makes me mad, because I was recently in the lamest waiting room ever. The tv was locked on a local morning mom show. And this was the only readable magazine on table:

old magazine

Aaron Ralston chewed his way out of that slot canyon SIX years ago. Why is that magazine still there?

I read his book. I hate Aaron Ralston. After like 4 chapters I wished a flash flood had followed him down the canyon.

But you know what? I was trapped. Like a deer in a slot canyon pothole, I had no way out.

So I read about Mr. Ralston’s bloody arm again. Now I want to paper a gerbil cage with the magazine.

Please, please, please. If you are in charge of waiting rooms, do me two favors. First, never subscribe to Family Circle. Who READS that? And second, stock the room. We’re there to see you, so put us in a good mood for when we finally do.


17 Responses to “waiting room”

  1. They also need to serve gelato too.

  2. MOCougFan Says:

    Yes sir Mr Anderson. It’s ready and waiting for you.

  3. mark Says:

    Wait, you have an iPhone, and you’re bitching about the magazine selection in a waiting room? Please.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    You did take the 6-year-old Outside with you, right? As a service to future waiters? Be the change.

    No Penthouse?


  5. bikemike Says:

    where and why were you waiting?

  6. VH1 Says:

    You were at the car wash on 123rd weren’t you?

  7. Joel Says:

    Just sit back and listen to the Pandora Fugazi radio station. Playing Dead Kennedys California Uber Alles right now for me. Waiting Room may be my favorite Fugazi song.

  8. Joel Says:

    Now I am wondering how much money there is in getting your arm stuck under a boulder and cutting it off with a pocket knife. That may be my only hope in getting on the cover of a magazine. Of course now that it has been done once it kind of kills the hype.

  9. Rob Says:

    So you must have found all of the hidden picture items in the Highlights magazine.

    Nothing pisses me off more than when some know-it-all 7yr old has to circle them with a pen…I totally would find them without their help thank you. Brats…

  10. Bandit Says:

    take your powder magazine with you and leave it. then it will be there for me next time…

  11. Eber Says:

    are you planning to spew the Ralston venom in the next post? that will be a good post.

  12. This is what paperback books are good for!

  13. Jonnie J Says:

    One of your best posts ever.

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