can’t open this
September 17, 2009
I’m not really what you’d call dextrous. Or particularly coordinated. I often cut corners too sharply in hallways, and bump into doorjambs.
I tried to follow the instructions in an origami book once, and instead of a swan, I ended up with a sort of wrinkled death star.
But. But I’m not so spastic that I can’t open stuff. I can open stuff.
Except, I can’t open this:
For you pharmaceutically challenged individuals, this is Zirtec D. Just a little allergy/hayfever pick-me-up. But unfortunately, they’ve packaged the pill like it’s plutonium and they’re afraid the terrorists are going to get it.
Two questions: first, why two “blisters” for only one pill? I feel ripped off every time I try to open one. Who took the other pill? The pharmacist? My neighbor? Where is it? Is it a missing twin chimera?
Second, that curved dotted line you see? It doesn’t do shit. You pull on that “tab” and all you get is a mangled package, like the one I’m holding in the picture. And maybe some cuts on your lips and fingers. And don’t go thinking you can just push the pill through the package like the friendlier Clariton D package–No, all I got when I tried that was five jagged little pills and some powder. But still INSIDE the package.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re shaking your head, thinking to yourself “why doesn’t that retard just get himself some scissors?”
I’ll tell you why–because I’m UPSTAIRS and the scissors are DOWNSTAIRS einstein. What, you think I didn’t think of scissors?
What I need is sharper teeth. And maybe some plastic explosives.