the world is upside down
September 30, 2009
I’m going to have to talk about bodily functions for a minute. Nothing crazy, nothing you wouldn’t see in the Nutty Professor or Flubber any other “family friendly” movie of the last ten years. But an incident during the drive home from Brad’s Gooseberry 100 set me off.
Ready? Okay! (The exclamation point is because typing “ready? okay.” reminded me of high school sporting events where the cheerleaders would yell that. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.)
So we’re driving home from Gooseberry, and we take a break from talking movies and such to stop in some small town for gas and a potty break. I wander into the gas station restroom, and take my place at the open urinal. There are two urinals and one is occupied by some old man.
In the middle of my business, I inadvertently release some of the gas created by the pepper Brad tricked me into eating back in Cedar City. The gas makes a noise.
And the old man at the next urinal makes a show of turning his head and giving me a disgusted look. As in “Seriously? You’re just going to FART in here?”
Here’s the kicker–I actually felt BAD for a second.
Why? WHY would I feel bad for inadvertently letting out a little gas while peeing at a urinal in a public restroom at a truck stop in freeway-town America? What is wrong with me? And what is wrong with that guy? (Apart from the fact that he actually LOOKED at me–everybody knows you NEVER look at someone in a public restroom!)
You know what’s weird(er)? If I had stepped 3 feet to the right and entered the actual stall and peed in there? No worries–Rip away! Or if I had actually sat down in that stall? I could have flatulated out my entire colon and nobody would have batted an eye. (Well, maybe their eyeballs would have melted, but still, nobody would have batted an eye.)
But because I’m STANDING at a urinal, suddenly I’m supposed to walk the high wire, I’m supposed to pee out 44 ounces of Diet Coke while simultaneously clenching my sphincter to avoid an awkward moment with the guy peeing next to me in a truck stop bathroom?
To quote Glen Beck (now THERE’S something you should have placed a bet on at 1,000,000 to 1 odds against ever happening on this blog): “The world is upside DOWN!”