oh, that’s how you keep these things on

October 14, 2009

It’s been a while since I last shared an embarrassing story about myself.

I guess some of you would say every post is embarrassing in some way. I’m not going to argue.

Growing up, I was a bit, well, naive. Uninformed. Innocent. I lacked savoir faire.

In fifth grade my teacher periodically held a joke day. We kids would take turns going to the front of the class and telling what were usually knock knock jokes. You know. Because we were in fifth grade.

My parents subscribed to Readers Digest. As a fifth grader, I was a religious reader of Readers Digest–Life In These United States, Laughter the Best Medicine, Word Power, and all the little jokes at the bottom of random pages. Along with the occasional inspirational story of how somebody survived a plane wreck, or made the most of being limbless.

So one day I marched proudly to the front of my fifth grade class to tell the latest funny joke I had read in Readers Digest.

A man walks into a drugstore to buy a box of rubbers. The cashier says “That’ll be three dollars. Plus six cents for tax.”

The man says “Oh, THAT’S how you keep these things on.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I walked back to my desk surrounded by a heavy silence. Nobody else got up. I didn’t notice.

See, my dad had a pair of rubbers he would pull over his shoes when he went out in the rain. Although, I was never confused about how he kept those on.

16 Responses to “oh, that’s how you keep these things on”

  1. mark Says:

    Does Holden’s class have a joke day?

  2. stevebpt Says:

    I have always liked that joke, probably because of the story behind it.

    How can you tell if a potato is a prostitute?

    If it says I-da-ho.

  3. cashby Says:

    ok, i’m embarrassed to say i had to read that through seven times before i understood the joke.

    i won’t even tell you all the different ways i was trying to make it funny.

  4. mc Says:

    I don’t get it. Really. And, like cashby I re-read and re-read it. sigh

  5. KanyonKris Says:

    I got it the 2nd time. Read it out loud and you’ll get it. Here’s a hint: it’s a play on the last word the cashier says.

    Good story, dug.

    I watch my 7 year-old boy and admire the innocence of his life. Knowing all-too-soon the hormones will come and that will be the end of that.

  6. bikemike Says:

    that’s why people don’t want to have the tax raised…think how painful that would be.

  7. brkeyes7 Says:

    I don’t laugh at jokes, ask anyone, and I laugh at that one every time.

  8. Grizzly Adam Says:

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    Don’t bother, cuz he won’t come anyway.

  9. lifein360° Says:

    people have problems keeping them on? hmmmm I guess I am lucky. 😉 lol

  10. NC Dooj Says:

    How do you get rid of a ghost?

    Kick him in the Hollow-weenie!

    One of my old fav’s!

  11. Bander Says:

    I have a hard time believing Reader’s Digest published a joke about a rubber.

    • dug Says:

      well that’s a good point bander. on the other hand, i have a very specific memory of at least a couple other jokes from reader’s digest from that period being specifically about sex.

      for example, this one:

      a newlywed couple moved into a new house. the young bride had a habit of responding to all of her husband’s requests with the phrase “just a sec.”

      before long, this phrase started to annoy the man. finally he could stand no more. after one such “just a sec,” he shouted “NO! No more secs! I’m sick and tired of secs!”

      realizing that the evening air was still, the windows open, and the neighbors were all about, he sheepishly said “Well, maybe just a little more.”

      i dunno. is THAT one okay for reader’s digest?

  12. tohellandback1st Says:

    i still subscribe to reader’s digest (at least until Oct 17th), and i still read all the joke columns and the little jokes at the bottom and that word power column and quotable quotes…but i mostly quit reading the inspirational articles; and now you’ve inspired me to send in this renewal form that’s sitting on my desk.

    even though i only read the short stuff, i’m still on the June of 2008 issue. probably cause i keep them at my desk at work for when i forget my book. i’m glad no one at my work takes a camera phone into the men’s room.

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