would that count as a poke?

October 26, 2009

Floss is weird. First, it’s just a string you wrap around your fingers, and rub between your teeth.

But my floss is made out of Gore Tex. Just like my ski jacket. Am I the only one who finds this weird? I was struck by the weirdness this morning, because I was flossing in the shower, as is my wont, and while tugging the super slippery, and (I assume) waterproof Gore Tex floss down between an old tooth and my shiny new crown, the floss snapped.

Apparently Gore Tex is water resistant and slippery, but not super strong.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the weirdness of floss. Which got me remembering the weirdest floss story I’ve ever heard.

A couple years back, I was talking with my friend Ben about a guy in the neighborhood, about whom I’d heard something weird. I said to Ben “Do you know what’s weird about [let’s call him] Barney?”

And before I could jump in with my funny story about Barney, Ben said “That he’s used the same piece of floss for over a year?”

Picture me doing a comical double take, times four. I started to respond as if I hadn’t heard him: “So I heard he called the cops and . . . Wait. WHAT?” I’m pretty sure my eyes bugged out.

“Yeah. He told me. He re-uses the same piece of floss over and over again. For like a year.”

“Wait. My floss breaks like 25% of the time. I would be down to an inch of floss in a week.”

“Yeah, I dunno. It’s what he told me.”

So, I have floss made out of Gore Tex. Barney must have floss made out of a single stretchy molecule not yet released to the general public..

And I’m not sure which is the bigger deal–that the floss never breaks, or the idea of accumulated gunk on the floss. How does he wash the floss? Simple rinse most days with a vigorous soaping on Saturdays? And where does he keep the floss? And does the floss fray? And WHY does he do this? Floss is not expensive.

I cannot wrap my head around this. And now Barney has moved away, so I can’t ask him. I feel like I need to get on the Facebooks and track him down and ask him. Would that count as a Poke?


14 Responses to “would that count as a poke?”

  1. Annie Says:

    Yuck! And what are the chances that two of the blogs I read would discuss floss on the same day?

    (The other floss entry:
    http://www.anopensketchbook.com/2009/10/mondays-healthy-mantra.html )

  2. KanyonKris Says:


    I can’t believe normal floss would last that long. It must be Kevlar or a metal guitar string.

    My friend gave me some Opalpix (http://www.dentist.net/opalpix.asp). They are a thin, plastic tooth pick that goes between your teeth. I like them way better than floss. And they’re a god-send for people with braces, bridges, etc. I’ll give you some (guaranteed unused) at the Helloween ride.

    What does a Facebook poke do? I’ve seen that link but wonder if it’s sexual harassment to poke someone.

  3. mark Says:

    I don’t even use the same spot on the floss on consecutive teeth. The notion of using the same floss on consecutive days, and then again and again and again all year….Ick. Why?

  4. bikemike Says:

    nano floss. i think it comes with all easton carbon road forks.

  5. fish Says:

    You should ask him what other single-use items he reuses. Toilet paper? Q-Tips? That’s just wrong.

  6. justhomas Says:

    Maybe Barney is just trying to live a Green lifestlye. We should all follow suit.

  7. Jonnie J Says:

    The funniest part of this story is that “Barney’s” wife called him out on this during open mic day. Yeah that is pretty wierd.

  8. philip Says:

    Well… what did he call the cops about?

  9. JB Says:

    OK, you can’t tell a story like that and not give more details. What are “Barney’s” initials? The cop story sounds interesting too!

  10. Grizzly Adam Says:

    I am a OCD flosser. I’ve tried a just about everything. The best floss on the market is the Oral B Satin. It is the Mercedes of floss.

  11. MOCougFan Says:

    Adam’s right about the Oral B Satin. It is good.

    Seriously… flossing is good. Flossing daily is very good. Flossing daily with the same floss for a year is just wrong. Strep Aureus anyone?

    I’m going to use Listerine now.

  12. Eber Says:

    When the First Born was like 18 months or so I was wiping his bum after a number 3 and I notice this weird brown string hanging out his backside. So of course I pulled it. Wouldn’t you know like twelve inches of floss came out his butt (apparently he had eaten some earlier in the day). I’ve never seen a butt pucker faster (come to think of it…I’d never actually seen a butt pucker). His pelvic thrust skyward was pretty impressive too. But the look on his face…priceless

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