i object

November 4, 2009

You know, I don’t want to get off on one of those “things that must go” rants. That’s not my way.

And yet.

Something icky has happened three times in the last week. I can’t contain myself any longer.

Remember in Eddie Murphy’s classic (well, okay, not classic. Not great. But fun?) The Golden Child? He’s sitting there, talking to the crazy old Buddhist warrior guy who is the father of the woman he loves? Mid conversation, the old guy picks his nose, and Eddie says out loud what we’re all thinking–“You’re just gonna pick that? And . . . now you’re wiping it on your jacket.”

Well, I’ll be talking to someone, just, you know, in the middle of a conversation. Could be about anything. Work. Baseball. Healthcare. Bad Halloween treats. Whatever.

And suddenly (really) the guy (in fact, not always a guy) will, usually without pausing his train of thought, usually mid-sentence, dig a finger into his ear, root around for a second, pull said finger out, examine anything stuck to it, flick any encountered debris to the wind, and continue speaking as if nothing happened.


Or, in an even more egregious act of social faux pax-itude, he will scratch at something directly on his face with the same results.

These are not social retards I’m talking about here. Not people who, if they suddenly picked their noses in a board meeting you would just shrug and say “Well, that’s Benji–he may be a social retard, but jeez you should see him write code.” I’m talking about people who are otherwise socially and professionally successful ladder climbers. Actual people.

Look, I’m all for personal grooming. Yes, keep your earways clear. Remove distracting and itchy acne or boils from your skin, especially your face.

But really? While you’re talking to me? Right in front of me? In mid sentence with me?

I object.

32 Responses to “i object”

  1. lifein360 Says:

    Amen to that. On the same note, and I am sure I am guilty myself, tell men to refrain from adjusting themselves in my presence. It is almost impossible not to notice and it always scars me for the next minute or so.

  2. dug Says:

    life, because i have the power, i will do it.

    men, refrain from adjusting yourselves in lifein360’s presence.

  3. d Says:

    You’re a bit of a nancy aren’t you? I mean your site is filled with more supercilious complaining than the local high school’s cheerleader locker room.

  4. dug Says:

    D, I know, right? Are you, um, complaining? Not supercilliously or anything of course. I mean REAL complaining.

    • d Says:

      Of course I am complaining. But then I am not writing a blog and presumably trying to develop a reader-base. Just saying the whole blogging thing is more successful if the blogger is actually nice – I mean if that’s what you’re after. I guess you could simply be blogging for your close-knit group of Utah-county friends. If so, then supercilious is probably your best bet.

  5. KanyonKris Says:

    Uh, oh, have I picked my ear while talking to someone? I may have. I’ll have to watch that. If I have, file this under “I hate myself”.

    My favorite grooming faux paux: finger nail clipping around other people. If it’s outside it’s not bad, but I hear it in church sometimes. I hear that sharp CLICK and can’t help thinking, “Is this for real? Doesn’t he know that can be heard clear out in the hall?”

    • Grant Says:

      What is it with that? I have seen people clipping their nails on the train. Its disgusting! What if one flys off and hits me in the eye?!?!?!


  6. Rose Says:

    Please add to the list the wiping of eye-boogers in public. I’ve even seen someone do that and then eat them. Totally sick.

  7. Kim Says:

    Adjusting is one thing but it’s the guys who think they have to touch IT in order to talk, that is NOT a push-to-talk button in your pants gentlemen! Thank you.

    • KanyonKris Says:

      I remember a kid in high school who was always adjusting his junk, like he had crotch-grab tourettes. Creepy.

      I used to frequently see the rappers “holding themself”. Is this still common?

      I’m sure this is icky for girls to observe, but I think most guys have some tolerance for it as an isolated side-effect of testosterone.

  8. bikemike Says:

    is nose picking worse than farting?

  9. Miles Archer Says:

    Are you talking to me?

  10. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    And what about “farmer blows”?!

  11. Annie Says:

    Is a farmer blow the same thing as a snot rocket?

  12. tohellandback1st Says:

    so we have to wait for the person we are with to tell us we have something hanging from our nose or ears before we can take care of it? some of us have an 8-10 social nicety rule limit. as we learn new ones, some of the old ones fall out…hope i didn’t do anything to ruin lunch the other day.

    and, um, Kim, are you sure? with a lot of guys just touching is like pulling a string on one of those talking dolls.

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