it’s pat

November 5, 2009

I’m here in lovely Washington D.C. for a conference (like Ethan Hunt, I’m only pretending to be a software marketing guy–really I’m a spy). Today, sitting in a panel discussion with three colleagues, I couldn’t help but notice that one of the panel members, a lawyer for a very (very) prominent communications company, was of, well, indeterminate gender.

He/she had super short black hair, but finely groomed eyebrows. An angular face. A very slight build. Large eyes.

But he/she was wearing a black man’s suit  [okay, to be clear, which I admit I wasn’t, he/she didn’t steal it from a black man, but rather the suit is black, and seemed cut/made for a man, black or white. Or whatever.] with a red tie.

“Absolutely a woman” I said to the colleague on my left. “I’ll bet you a dollar.”

“A dollar it is” he said.

As I watched him/her move about the room, and then ascend the stairs to the panel desk, I only grew more confident that I was about to be four quarters richer.

Until the moderator, sitting in the center of the four panelists, introduced him/her as “Ed” and described HIS illustrious career.

Chagrined, I pulled out my dollar and handed it over.

And, I swear, at that moment I saw three other dollar bills change hands around the room. At least I wasn’t the only one.


19 Responses to “it’s pat”

  1. KanyonKris Says:

    The all-male Fall Moab should help steady you after your gender error.

    It disconcerts me when I can’t tell gender.

    There’s a foreclosure infomercial “pat” that creeps me out. Looks mostly like a guy but has some feminine features and is a high-talker. Check the video here to see what I mean:

  2. Sophia Says:

    Why would a woman wear a man’s suit and a tie?

    It’s too bad you don’t live near me. I need the money.

  3. philip Says:

    Got a little asian person at work (seriously, like 4’3″ tall) that always wears pants, and has a short short hair cut that could go either way. Unfortunatly even their name does not help me to identify them either way. I have actually spoken with them about work stuff a few times and still not exactly sure. I think that it is a girl but I would not risk saying anything either way!

  4. Jenny-Jenny Says:

    Baahahahahahaha that’s hilarious. Maybe Ed should bush out his eyebrows a bit. Or grow a Movember=]

  5. bikemike Says:

    i would’ve bet money on how/why “Ed” obtained a black man’s suit. did he steal it from him/her on the way to the conference. i’ll bet it was , indeed, a very nice suit.

  6. Rob Says:


    I would say you gave up a dollar on only 95% certainty.

  7. Flyin' Ute Says:

    I had a large account in Colorado that I inherited when I became the manager over there. They had a dude there who dressed as a women but they called him his dude name and reffered to him as a he etc….UNTIL he got his unit chopped off and a few other surgeries to enhance his dude hips to look more like a chick etc.

    Then they started calling him a her and she changed her/his name to a chicks.

    I was there for the whole transition. The he/she loved me because I made IT feel a little smaller and more dainty. It was the craziest thing i’ve seen.

    I promise this story is true. I will “flirt” with a lot of THINGS for $50,000 a month in reaccuring revenue.

    So, don’t give your dollar up so fast. Unless the surgery has been completed they may have jumped the gun on the reference to gender.

    • Carrie Says:

      Not nice. This is still a person not an IT or THING.

      • dug Says:

        carrie, good point. and if I didn’t know mr flyin ute personally, and if I didn’t know what a great guy he is, I would also take exception to his terminology.

        but it’s still a great story.

    • KanyonKris Says:

      Is it Trinidad, Colorado? Just talking with a guy at work who used to do sales in Trinidad, which is generally know as a hub for sex change procedures.

  8. hubcityrob Says:

    I’m with bikemike – I was trying to figure out where the black man was who found himself suddenly sans clothing and what did he do about it?

  9. g Says:

    You people disconcerted by androgyny are so last year! Hang on to your seats, and prepare for more discombobulation. Yee haw!

  10. Flyin' Ute Says:

    Thanks for coming to my defense Dug and I apologize for being rude and inconsiderate. Truly.

    • Carrie Says:

      I really enjoyed your story and how you wrote it. I just took offense to the IT and THING terminology. I probably should have kept my thoughts to myself, but self-displine has never been my strong suit. I have no doubt that you are a great guy just as Dug says!

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