fat boy pour

November 11, 2009

It wasn’t enough that I finally got on the scale last week and realized that I had gained 10 lbs since September. This for a guy (me) who hasn’t varied more than 5 lbs in like 10 years, up or down. When I’m skinny, I’m closer to 180 than 185. When I’m fat I’m closer to 190 than 185.

Getting on the scale and seeing that my personal housing bubble had finally burst did not deter me.

But I think I’ve found the cure. Just now, I’m sitting in my office, staring dejectedly at my laptop screen. I’ve had the munchies all afternoon, following a delicious Pho lunch. I’ve resisted going into the break room, helped by a sign on the door that said “Do Not Disturb, You Are Fat.” Okay, it didn’t say that, but it did say “Meeting in Progress.”

So I didn’t buy a butterfinger. Instead, I rummaged through all the desk drawers in my double wide cubicle. And found a bag of Sun Chips that was almost gone. I tilted the bag over my head and opened my mouth. And took a pile of chip debris all over my face.

Just in time for a co-worker to walk in. He shook his head sadly and said “Dude. Not the Fat-Boy-Pour.”

Elden, if you’re out there, I need your full series dvd set of 24–I’ve got some spin-bikin to do.


20 Responses to “fat boy pour”

  1. chtrich Says:


  2. MOCougFan Says:

    I was on the spin bike this morning. I feel your pain.

    I’m Chad Heath…. and I’m fat.

  3. Equal Opportunity Offender Says:

    It’s all about the diet. Cut out the sugar and you’ll drop 10 pounds by Christmas.

    Good luck with that with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Fat boy pour – ouch. Is that rock bottom, like when an alcoholic wakes up in an alley face-down in vomit?

    No mockery from me, I’ve got my own pudginess problem. I have no idea how bad it is because I don’t own a scale (a conscious choice, denial is my friend).

  5. mtb w Says:

    “Fat boy pour” – Classic! It was soo funny, after reading your post, I had to go to the candy dish in the office and have some chocolate. I think I am like one alcholic laughing at another, while drinking another beer. I guess I haven’t hit rock bottom yet – thank goodness since they just restocked the candy dish.

  6. Spinning is the answer my friend because Pie-fest month is upon us. You can’t go through November and December without consuming your weight in pie at least once.

  7. bikemike Says:

    wait til you turn 50, mon petite frito.

    • tohellandback1st Says:

      yea, wait for the big 50. and then something hurts and you can’t work out…

      i’ve successfully relied on workouts to offset all the cookies i eat for a long time; biking alone isn’t as effective as biking plus weights a few times a week.

      just turned 50 and too many things hurt for me to do the lifting part; i hope it’s temporary cause even watching the diet i’m having to consider moving up a waist size for the first time in 25 years.

  8. Rick S. Says:

    Sounds like a simple flu virus will get rid of those unwanted lbs. I hear it’s going around. Maybe you can go lick the door knobs at the local school and see what happens.

  9. evilreview Says:

    24, full series, bundled and ready to hand over.

  10. kim Says:

    So should I not make the fried coke for dinner? I was going to use diet. . .



  11. Brandon Says:

    Drinks lots of water and chew lots of extra gum.

  12. Holly Says:

    Funny! I’m picturing you doing that and laughing. Quincy does the fat-boy pour all the time…anything for more chips {she calls them “cheeps”).

  13. DeLaina Says:

    LOL I needed a laugh today-thanks! I do that with Doritos and Cheetos crumblies in the bottom of the bag. Waste not, want not.

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