blow this up

November 25, 2009

I don’t think I need to establish my movie cred. Cuz for every Doomsday I keep as a guilty pleasure, I also love a Tarkovsky or a Bergman. On the other hand, I would watch any James Bond film again, even Never Say Never, and I loved Hudson Hawk. Don’t hold that against me, I could also watch Virgin Spring and Solaris again. I’m all over the map.

And I like a good End of the World movie as much as the next guy. While I thought Armageddon sucked, I liked Deep Impact, and I even liked, kind of, The Day After Tomorrow.

So when a guy like Roger Ebert calls a movie “The mother of all disaster movies (and the father, and the extended family)” I pay attention.

On the other hand, Ebert also hated Raising Arizona. So maybe I should have been on my guard.

I tried to get the kids to go. Do you think when your 11 year old and 14 year old boys say “I dunno Dad, it looks kind of dumb” that maybe you should listen?

But the San Francisco Chronicle said “There’s something to be said for a formula picture done almost to perfection. In 2012, Emmerich gives you everything you expect, but gives it to you bigger.”

I wanted to see stuff get blowed up. Real good.

So I got the brothers in law together, and we fired up a late show guys night.


When we finally left the theater, I found myself apologizing over and over, to guys, about the movie.

I shouldn’t have to do that. What would be a better guys movie than 2012? It’s the literal end of the world. It stars John Cusack. Everybody except my brother loves John Cusack. The master of disaster, Roland Emmerich, directed it.

In the words of William Hurt’s Richie Cusack, “How Could You F@#& that up?”

And yet. Roland found a way to make the end of the world boring.

We would have been better off seeing New Moon. Twice. I am not even kidding.


35 Responses to “blow this up”

  1. fish Says:

    Ouch. The New Moon reference really put it into context for me.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    Thanks for the warning. Movies are a gamble, too bad 2012 came up snake eyes.

    On the bright side I’m hearing very good things about “The Road” and “Avatar” is taking eye candy to 11 (although I’m concerned the story may be weak).

    I used to think any James Bond movie was worth watching, then I saw “A View To A Kill”. It’s awful. Not even B movie quality. Roger Moore tries to make it work. So does Christopher Walken as the bad guy (although the bleached blond hair is odd). Grace Jones doesn’t help. No really cool stunts or effects scenes. Just really bad dialog and a yawner story. So, dug, would you really watch this Bond movie?

  3. evilreview Says:

    Wow. My review of Roger Ebert was really fantastic.

    • KanyonKris Says:

      I used to give a lot of weight to Ebert’s reviews. But when he didn’t get The Matrix, he lost influence with me. (dug, I didn’t know he panned Raising Arizona – another strike against Ebert.)

  4. No way I’ll see 2012 now if you’d rather see New Moon twice. New Moon falls into the “know how I know your gay” category for me.

    • tohellandback1st Says:

      i know quite a few gay people, and i don’t know any that have seen, or want to see, New Moon.

      Pet Shop Boys, Aha and George Michael… now, except for, you know, dug, there’s a good barometer.

      on movie recommendations, Dug plus most of your friends giving it a thumbs up? go. Dug alone or Dug plus the critics? you run a 50/50 chance of it being one of his guilty pleasures that will just make you feel guilty and not give any pleasure (planes trains & automobiles…), or, it being another raising arizona/high fidelity, which, of course, were great.

      • dug Says:

        woah mike. Planes Trains and Automobiles? You are waaaay out there if you’re down on that.

        Like Abraham in Soddom and Ghommorah, if you can find 10 people (with a brain) that hate Planes Trains and Automobiles I’ll take you seriously on that.

        • Anonymous Says:

          i think we had at least 10 people when you dragged us all to that movie, and you were the only one who liked it, except maybe Rob. maybe it was generational, kind of like napolean dynamite. i’ll avoid trying to pick out which ones had brains.

  5. Miles Archer Says:

    Worse that “The Postman”?

    • dug Says:

      miles, c’mon, let’s keep it real here. at least with the postman (which i didn’t see and never will) you didn’t have the san francisco chronicle and roger ebert telling you it was good.

      this was like me telling you to go see the postman, and then covering my face so you wouldn’t see me laughing, and then IM’ing all my other friends saying “i just told miles the postman was awesome, i think he’s going to see it!” and then all of us laughing hysterically.

      i think i’m going to cancel my subscription to the san francisco chronicle.

  6. stevebpt Says:

    thanks for saving me 20 bucks. maybe I’ll go see New Moon.

  7. Bob B. Says:

    I thought you were talking about “The Road,” which scared me because I have high hopes for that. I think it says something about something that I’ve never even heard of the movie 2012, and I check in on Ebert regularly.

    Oh, and the only James Bond I’ll rewatch is Casino Royale. That’s a fine action movie. Every single other James Bond movie has disappointed me.

  8. andy Says:

    in spite of love of post-apocalyptic movies, i’m a bit worried about going to watch the road because of the ending. i really don’t like going through heart-wrenching movies that end badly for someone that i’ve come to like. same with no country. i get that they’re great flicks, but i just leave bummed.

  9. rabidrunner Says:

    Oh dude. Sad to hear that. I’m a HUGE John Cusack fan. Huge. He’s right up there with Bill Murray. I just watched High Fidelity (since you were yuking it up over music it shows relevancy). That’s a great show. Or Gross Pointe Blank? Another classic and one of my favorite movies ever. Oh and Journey of Natty Gan and Sixteen Candles and Better Off Dead and… Sorry to turn your blog into a John Cusack tribute.

  10. eric Says:

    See, now I’m intrigued. I love bad movies (especially bad monster movies but you take what you can get).
    I’m gonna have to go see it now and I wasn’t going to.
    You did this on purpose dug, admit it.

  11. Seatbefore Says:

    Phase Early,slowly slip chairman fly particularly former launch free female plan collect pound natural close affair perform rest latter the religion everyone open control above among night information whether woman record bed present shot reason where connect manage appeal right different railway within any chairman baby also count about store present chance background pay future connect code illustrate advantage beneath link action fly desk court arrive thin refer sun bind release statement commission agree rely finish examination same neither according attempt perhaps earth up raise

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