December 7, 2009
Kim and I spent Saturday evening at Mark’s house for a little holiday get together. Many nice people were there. The food was awesome. When we have get-togethers, we tell the guests that “the chips are in the cupboard, the salsa is in the fridge.” You know the food will be good when the hosts spend five minutes explaining each dish. Rachel had help with the grunt work, but she was clearly the maestro behind the food.
Speaking of food, you know you’re fat when someone singles you out in the white elephant gift exchange to give you a fat suit. Thanks Jonnie.
What, you think I’m kidding?
When Jonnie’s turn came, he waded into the pile of gifts, grabbed the one HE brought, and walked directly over to me and said “I’ve been thinking you need this.”
Yup. It’s a Gold’s Gym reflective slimming suit. Not as in, it has a slimming effect if you wear it. Well, maybe that. I mean, you don’t look thinner if you wear it–no, you GET thinner if you wear it. And not because it’s reflective. I assume it’s reflective so that drivers won’t run me over if I wear this outside in the dark.
If ANYBODY ever wore this suit outside, dark or not, drivers would actively seek them out for vehicular manslaughter. And they’d probably beat the rap.
In case you can’t read the text at the bottom, it says this: “Sweat away the pounds as you exercise.”
Really? I need a fat suit and a fancy box to tell me that? “If your exercise makes you sweat, that’s a good thing.”
And the back:
Let me recap the message:
Sweat away the pounds as you exercise with this attractive looking suit.
Covering your arms, torso, and legs, it can help you slim your entire body fast.
Gold’s Gym goes on to say that their 40 plus years of experience and expertise helped them come up with a suit that covers the arms, torso, and legs. If only it covered my feet.
At least it’s slimming. Right?