fat suit

December 7, 2009

Kim and I spent Saturday evening at Mark’s house for a little holiday get together. Many nice people were there. The food was awesome. When we have get-togethers, we tell the guests that “the chips are in the cupboard, the salsa is in the fridge.” You know the food will be good when the hosts spend five minutes explaining each dish. Rachel had help with the grunt work, but she was clearly the maestro behind the food.

Speaking of food, you know you’re fat when someone singles you out in the white elephant gift exchange to give you a fat suit. Thanks Jonnie.

What, you think I’m kidding?

When Jonnie’s turn came, he waded into the pile of gifts, grabbed the one HE brought, and walked directly over to me and said “I’ve been thinking you need this.”

suit box front

Yup. It’s a Gold’s Gym reflective slimming suit. Not as in, it has a slimming effect if you wear it. Well, maybe that. I mean, you don’t look thinner if you wear it–no, you GET thinner if you wear it. And not because it’s reflective. I assume it’s reflective so that drivers won’t run me over if I wear this outside in the dark.

If ANYBODY ever wore this suit outside, dark or not, drivers would actively seek them out for vehicular manslaughter. And they’d probably beat the rap.

suit box side

In case you can’t read the text at the bottom, it says this: “Sweat away the pounds as you exercise.”

Really? I need a fat suit and a fancy box to tell me that? “If your exercise makes you sweat, that’s a good thing.”

And the back:

suit box back

Let me recap the message:

Sweat away the pounds as you exercise with this attractive looking suit.

Covering your arms, torso, and legs, it can help you slim  your entire body fast.

Gold’s Gym goes on to say that their 40 plus years of experience and expertise helped them come up with a suit that covers the arms, torso, and legs. If only it covered my feet.

suit me

At least it’s slimming. Right?


32 Responses to “fat suit”

  1. bikemike Says:

    are they having tryouts for the new Sopranos series?

    • bikemike Says:

      also, extra hair on your head (like in the picture) helps to retain heat and increase the sweating process thus increasing the weight loss reduction.

      the suit, alone, may not work.

  2. Jeff Says:


    You look like a disgruntled astronaut that lost his moon shoes.

  3. VaLene Says:

    Hey, let us know if it works…

  4. Eric Says:

    Do you live in a halfway house?

  5. Rob Says:

    Are there pockets in the back?

    You went through the trouble of setting up an astrological backdrop and didn’t even stand in front of it for the picture?..

  6. mtb w Says:

    You only got one?

  7. KanyonKris Says:

    You may ask yourself, why did Jon give me this suit?

    And you may tell yourself, hey, big suits are cool.

  8. mtb w Says:

    Why are all the models smiling or looking intent on their workout while Dug is, um, not looking to pleased? Something is amiss!

  9. Big Boned Says:

    Funny, that looks nothing at all like the pictures on the box…

  10. Jonnie J Says:

    Dug – So glad you liked my gift. I heard reports of you running around the neighborhood in your new leisure suit over the weekend. Nothing gives you the spirit of Christmas like buying someone a gift they have been requesting repeatedly on their blog for weeks on end about. Any chance of me borrowing it after the holidays?

    Merry Christmas.

  11. Grizzly Adam Says:

    I want to see that on our dawn patrols this year.

    And really, 40 years of “expertise” and all Gold’s Gym can come up with is that “if your exercise makes you sweat, that’s good”?

    Unbelievable! This is going to change exercise science as we know it!

    I’ll bet you could hawk these off to those weight weenie wrastlers who go bulimic in the bathroom before a match so they can ‘make weight”.

  12. jruss Says:

    What ever happened to good old fashioned trash bags covered in officially registered BYU sweatpants and sweatshirts?

  13. VA Biker Says:

    I want to know why the top and bottom aren’t quite the same color? Does that make it a stylish fat suit?

  14. Bob Says:

    I don’t care about your fat suit. I got an iPhone. I am typing on it right now!

  15. This sounds interesting. I pulled together a number of articles in the same vain

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