official memo

December 17, 2009

I’m sure this happens at all places of employment, and even some fairly rigid home environments, like maybe at the Von Trapps in the early days. By “this” I mean official memos. Some with cover sheets, some without. I’m not going get into a cover sheet argument with you.

For example, here at Dunder Mifflin everybody got an official memo that went something like this:

“Hey! Anderson. No more shorts, flip flops, or beanies!”

Or something to that effect. The actual memo went on at some length.

Anyway, it’s time for me to send an official memo to the world. Or at least the portion of the world that uses public, or even semi-private, restrooms. Including outhouses.

Memo To The World:

In no event shall anyone using this or any public restroom make loud, or even audible, noises expressing desperation, relief, or celebration.

This includes the following noises, which are now proscribed:

1. Grateful Sighing

2. Crying

3. Whimpering

4. Grunting

5. Laughing

6. High Fiving

7. Pep Talks

8. Whooping

9. Polynesian War Cries

10. Absolutely No Rebel Yells

Thank you for your cooperation.

19 Responses to “official memo”

  1. Jeff Says:

    Absolutely no cell phones. When I realize someone is in the bathroom on their phone I suddenly have multi-flush situations.

  2. bikemike Says:


  3. KanyonKris Says:

    The Haka: not just for war.

  4. Carl Says:

    Sorry, but when a partcularly loud expulsion occurs when you least expect it, I can’t help but laugh…

  5. Nate Kingdon Says:

    I’m pretty sure a few of those violate the “Man Rules”. More than a few actually.

  6. Jeff Says:

    Nothing like reading that post then seeing an ad for “Upscale Restroom Trailers.” Awesome.

  7. MJ in Fremont Says:

    So I guess exclaiming “AWESOME” is totally out then.

    • dug Says:

      how bout no “exlaiming” of any kind.

      • Rob (dug's brother) Says:

        When you are a proud papa, there’s nothing to be done when amongst friends. When amongst strangers, keep thy trap shut.

        Otherwise I think it’s fair to start hucking wet toilet paper over the wall and I ain’t promising that I have flushed first.

  8. Totally off topic, but my boss just bought a new fridge for the staff room and it made me wonder about the status of your office fridge. Please check on it and post any new developments.

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