the grinch is not jesus
December 28, 2009
I love the holidays, I love Christmas, all that.
Yada yada yada.
But I was watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas the other day. Not the bloated live action Jim Carrey version. The cartoon.
And you know when the Grinch comes down the chimney, and he sets up his big cloth sacks and starts chucking presents and logs and stuff in them from across the room?
That drives me CRAZY. Anybody who has ever raked the yard and tried to bag leaves alone knows that’s impossible. Bags just won’t sit there like that, even if you don’t have a green freak chucking presents into them from 10 feet away. To get the leaves into a lawn bag, you need someone who stands/crouches over the bag, jams their fists inside the lip, wedges their elbows into the other “corner” of the square opening, and shuts their eyes and tries not the breathe while you shovel in leaves and grass clippings.
(Really, it just kills Fall for me.)
Anyway. The Grinch just starts tossing stuff into the bags. And the bags don’t even move. I hate that.
Now before you start rolling your eyes, shaking your head sadly, and ask me, right through your computer screen, “Really? REALLY? THAT’S the part of How The Grinch Stole Christmas that you find unrealistic? THAT’S the ONE part that bothers you?”
Well, no, of course not. It’s not the ONE part that bothers me.
Because the part that REALLY bothers me is when the Grinch cuts the roast beast. That measly half ham he lays into doesn’t get any smaller! He is feeding the entire population of Whoville with that canned ham, and by the time the credits roll, he has cut about a dozen giant slices, and the ham never gets smaller.
The Grinch is NOT Jesus, and that oversized can of Spam is NOT the fishes and the loaves.
There, I feel better. Thanks for listening.