the grinch is not jesus

December 28, 2009

I love the holidays, I love Christmas, all that.

Yada yada yada.

But I was watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas the other day. Not the bloated live action Jim Carrey version. The cartoon.

And you know when the Grinch comes down the chimney, and he sets up his big cloth sacks and starts chucking presents and logs and stuff in them from across the room?

That drives me CRAZY. Anybody who has ever raked the yard and tried to bag leaves alone knows that’s impossible. Bags just won’t sit there like that, even if you don’t have a green freak chucking presents into them from 10 feet away. To get the leaves into a lawn bag, you need someone who stands/crouches over the bag, jams their fists inside the lip, wedges their elbows into the other “corner” of the square opening, and shuts their eyes and tries not the breathe while you shovel in leaves and grass clippings.

(Really, it just kills Fall for me.)

Anyway. The Grinch just starts tossing stuff into the bags. And the bags don’t even move. I hate that.

Now before you start rolling your eyes, shaking your head sadly, and ask me, right through your computer screen, “Really? REALLY? THAT’S the part of How The Grinch Stole Christmas that you find unrealistic? THAT’S the ONE part that bothers you?”

Well, no, of course not. It’s not the ONE part that bothers me.

Because the part that REALLY bothers me is when the Grinch cuts the roast beast. That measly half ham he lays into doesn’t get any smaller! He is feeding the entire population of Whoville with that canned ham, and by the time the credits roll, he has cut about a dozen giant slices, and the ham never gets smaller.

The Grinch is NOT Jesus, and that oversized can of Spam is NOT the fishes and the loaves.

There, I feel better. Thanks for listening.


14 Responses to “the grinch is not jesus”

  1. mark Says:

    How do you know?

  2. linfin Says:

    Christmas is a time for miracles, isn’t it? Even in cartoonland.

  3. anon Says:

    And the mal-nourished dog pulling the over-heavy sleigh up an 80 degree pitch isn’t mentioned?

  4. eric Says:

    The Santa suit made out of a single layer of red curtain?

  5. JB Says:

    Just wondering if you ever watch tv and turn your brain off? Do you analyze everything? It would be exhausting to be you!

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    How come most cartoon characters don’t wear pants? Artistic? Freudian? Tradition?
    From all these years of watching cartoons I rarely notice, but when I do it creeps me out a little.

  7. bikemike Says:

    end of the year dissection of pop culture from dug’s world…priceless.

  8. Eric Says:

    Time to go green in Utah: don’t bag leaves in plastic trash bags. Just run over them with the mower and it grinds them into mulch. Or, get a 7hp gas blower and blow them away down hill in the back yard.

    How The Grinch Stole Christmas is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.

  9. stevebpt Says:

    Dug, next time you bag leaves use your feet at the bottom edge and hold the top edge with your hands and sweep into the eco friendly bag like a broom. Much less annoying to the bag holder. OR, get a 12 hp blower to blow the leaves UP that hill in your back yard. And quit messing with the Grinch!

  10. Robin Says:

    The grinch probably invested $35 in a leaf bag holder and that is the real reason his heart grew three sizes that day.

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