January 5, 2010
It feels like forever since I ranted about something. Doesn’t it feel like forever?
So here goes–I hate Alex Trebek.
When Kim and I were first married, had little to no furniture, no money for movies, no kids, we used to eat dinner on our little TV trays and watch Jeopardy. I was more forgiving then, and just concentrated on getting the answers right.
Recently, I’ve taken to Tivoing Jeopardy and watching an episode when I have a minute, or I feel like seeing how dumb I am. And I’ve discovered that what I really need isn’t a mute button, but a zonal mute button. That is, I want to point the remote specifically at Alex’s smug little mug and mute just him.
Him and his “I can’t believe you didn’t know that, I so disapprove of you and your ignorance” smugness. (Does he think he’s fooling anybody? Are we supposed to think he actually knows the answers?) Him and his hyper correct pronunciation of foreign language words, which, you just know, are spelled out phonetically on his archaic little 3X5 cards he has in his hand.
In short, I don’t like him.
But he’s not the worst part. I hate the way he walks out at the start of the show, acts like he’s in a hurry to get going, starts the first round, then, when we come back from our “break” he decides to get to know the players.
Well you know what? I don’t give a rat’s ass WHO is playing. I don’t want to get to know them unless they win like a month in a row and become a minor celebrity. THEN I’m interested. For now, they’re just puppets who magically make the questions appear on the board.
And, finally, speaking of puppets making the questions appear, what the hell is up with those clickers? Instead of stopping the game to let me know that Gwendolyn of Tulsa is an aspiring arborist, how about you explain the magic of the clicker? Every question I see each the contestants pounding furiously on their clickers like laboratory rats banging on the cocaine button, and when they fail to ring in successfully, they stare at their clickers like I look at my tennis racket after smashing a forehand 50 feet over the fence.
I know. Wikipedia explains the way the clicker works. Something about lock-outs, waiting, blinking lights, all that.
So all I’m asking is, instead of finding out that Contestant Number Three is a philatelist from Nome, Alaska, how about we take a look at the clickers? Practice with them for a minute, maybe let a player ask for a replacement if they feel like theirs is defective. I’d even like to see them bring their OWN clickers, like a pro tennis player with a bag of rackets.
“Whoops, Alex, I’m gonna need a minute, I just splintered my clicker with my thumb. No worries, I’ve got six more right here.”
What, you wouldn’t watch this? Ratings wouldn’t go up?