people are funny like that

January 11, 2010

In my previous neighborhood, an older couple moved in down the street, and pretty soon after that, we would see the woman (it was one of those man/woman couples) walking her little dog into our cul de sac, waiting patiently while the dog crapped on our lawn (to be fair, the dog crapped on everybody’s lawn, not just mine, but this is my story, so, you know, my lawn), and then walking back to her own nicely green and crap-free yard.

Disagreement arose over how to handle the situation. Kim’s ire was fairly piqued. At first, I argued that it was not a big deal, it was just dog poo, and maybe we shouldn’t do anything. After stepping in enough excrement, my feelings eventually aligned with Kim’s.

Fortunately, other’s boiling points were lower than ours. Or maybe their circumstances were more sensitive. Because another neighbor, one with toddlers who tended to put anything and everything they found in their mouths, objected a bit more strenuously.

This other toddler-having neighbor, who’s limit was reached when he watched the woman guide her dog onto his lawn and encourage the little yapper to “do his business”, snapped, sort of.

He packaged up the package in a brown paper bag, marched (okay, maybe the use of “marched” sounds a bit too militant–he may have just walked. Or even sauntered.) down to the dog owner’s house, and presented her with the bag. “I think this is yours” he said.

When she realized what was in the bag, she was incredulous. “That’s incredibly rude” she said.

“You walked your dog up to my yard and asked him to crap on it. That strikes me as a bit on the rude side too” he replied.

“I didn’t know it was your yard” she said.

“Really? THAT’S your defense? I’ve got little kids. Everybody in this neighborhood has little kids. They EAT stuff on my lawn. I don’t want them to eat this.”

“Wow” she said. “This is the unfriendliest neighborhood we’ve ever lived in.”

This kind of thing isn’t confined to dogs, though, is it? People do this all the time, in all walks of life. They show up uninvited, they shit on your grass or in your living room, and then act all wounded or insulted when you object.

People are funny like that.

32 Responses to “people are funny like that”

  1. Paul Says:

    This living room story is going to be great!

  2. bikemike Says:

    so, today, “funny” is the code word for “idiots”?
    story makes sense now.

  3. Rachel Says:

    Good fences make good neighbors.


  4. People or family? Because in my world it is usually family that dumps crap in my living room.

  5. MrsTeamPhillips Says:

    My husband and I love to compare notes about how inconsiderate people are. It’s not even inconsiderate, really, it’s more like oblivious. They go about their lives, on their phones, or driving like maniacs, not even thinking what kind of impact they are having on other human beings. Forget fences, I need a moat. (I’ve always suspected that someday I will just snap and become a complete hermit, or worse).

  6. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    You know that I’m standing right here, right?

    • dug Says:

      sure, but you weren’t then.

      you, sir, are invited to show up uninvited anytime. and if you feel the need, you could even crap in my living room.

      just give me the heads up first, so i can get the pan.

  7. Jeff Says:

    If that guy could have just set the bag of excrement on fire, it would have completed the Dug trifecta: Idiots, Poop and Fire.

  8. Tim D Says:

    Didn’t do the ring the doorbell, set fire to the bag and leave it burning on the doorstep, then?

  9. allez m2 Says:

    Packaging it up in a bag is way too civil. Load up the shit in a shovel, then give it a good toss across the offender’s lawn – ensuring a liberal amount lands on the porch.

  10. mark Says:

    Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.

    Especially as one who goes around crapping on people’s lawns from time to time. If mine gets crapped on, I probably deserved it.

    I’m glad the neighbor did what he did. It enabled him to at least talk with the lady. Throwing the shit with a shovel would have accomplished nothing. I just wish I weren’t so prone to throw the shit with a shovel.

  11. jruss Says:

    “Someone shit on, or around the vicinity of the coats.” ~dane cook.

    We are constantly battling folks who like to affix yard sale signs to the power pole in my yard. Classy. I have thrown numerous, hand painted signs in my own trash can.

  12. KanyonKris Says:

    Wow, amazing hypocrisy and selfishness.

    Perhaps I would have reacted defensive too, but unless my accuser is overly hostile I’m usually glad they brought the matter to my attention.

    Now excuse me while I return an expired can of nuts to Costco and demand a refund.

  13. linfin Says:

    In my old neighborhood people had signs like the no-smoking sign stuck in their yards, except they had a picture of a pooping dog with a line through it. Lovely.

    • dug Says:

      in my current neighborhood, all but a very few dog owners carry plastic poop bags as they walk the dogs. so then, as long as it isn’t the living room, i don’t care where they poop.

      but of course, every neighborhood has a dog owner or two who just don’t get it.


      • It is nice that they pick it up when walking the dogs. Usually. However, the free-roaming dogs seem to favor my yard. Then, if it happens to be in the driveway and gets snowed on, and you don’t know it’s there and hit it with the snowblower, well all I can say is wow.

  14. Rick S. Says:

    I admit to peeing in your backyard last time I came over. At least I didn’t pee in your living room.

  15. Rachel W Says:

    I actually recall an incident the very first time I came to your very new house. Somebody slung a diaper off a butt & the poo slung with it. Onto the carpet. Were you aware of that? It wasn’t me so that’s why I’m reminding you.

  16. JB Says:

    One of the classic stories from High Mountain Meadows! If you start remembering more of them it will keep your blog in business for quite a while.

  17. Jen Says:

    That’s why I live on a farm in the middle of nowhere! And if someone comes all the way out to have their dog poo on my lawn, I can shoot them and burry then and no one would even know :o)

  18. Anonymous Says:

    Dug,
    Let me preface what I am about to say with this: I love dogs. I just got a new one. So any PETA readers out there, don’t go all cuckoo on me.

    At my parents old house, some woman had a dog who had lost the use of not one, but both back legs. Hit by a car… kicked by a neighbor… I’m not sure how it came to be like that. But they had rigged a little harness that attached the dog’s back half to a two-wheeled contraption.

    The little lap dog would waddle on his two good legs up front and drag his back-end, rather pathetically, around the neighborhood.

    Yet, while his back legs seemed completely paralyzed, his pooper was fully operational.

    Everyday, it seemed, he would waddle up to my parents lawn and take a big grumper. (or is it “leave” a big grumper?) Anyway, the lady would sit and wait patiently, then walk away as if it was the least my parents could do to provide this poor pup with a place to shat.

    After hearing my parents complain bitterly about the awkwardness of the situation (she too was new to the hood), one day I found myself home alone when the cart-dragging dog gimped up to do his thing in my parents yard.

    I stepped out just as they were walking away from a steaming pile and said, “Hey, if I catch your dog shitting on this lawn again, so help me God, I will break his other two legs.”

    She gave me the most indignant “Well!… I never…!” before turning her back and walking away. But they never soiled our lawn again.

    They just waited till they got to the next house.

    • dug Says:

      jeff, nice try, but i’m waaaaaaaay past that.

      i’m like the guy in trainspotting, jumping down the toilet. i loves me some diet coke. and, apparently, fecal matter.

  19. miles archer Says:

    One of my neighbors put up a tiny sign. Maybe 8 pt type at the edge of their yard that said something like “keep your dog from peeing on my plants”. The sign was right next to a little bush that was apparently dieing from too much dog pee. I thought the sign was amusing but it probably didn’t work.

  20. Steve Says:

    This happened to my brother in law. After diplomatic attempts to have it end, he knocked on their door, when they answered he pushed it through their screen door like a play dough spaghetti maker.


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